Understanding our children

The other day I spoke with a fellow co-worker about his son and how his son gets very suspicious when he says that he will check on him at a pool party.  I explained to him that most teens only hide something for one reason and that's usually because they are doing something they are not supposed to be doing.  My first assumption since he's a teenage boy, is that he was going to have alcohol at the party and didn't want his father to know.  When I told him about this, his first initial reaction was "No Way".  I explained to him that just because he doesn't believe that his son would do that, it doesn't mean that he won't.  Most teens today are pressured by undeniable peer pressure and is willing to try anything to be accepted by their peers.  The things that a teen would do to prove to their peers that they could be cool or hip is the one driving force in most teens today.  The thing that I didn't understand is how he himself was once a teenage boy and did similar things when  he was his age.  It's hard for me to imagine that someone could not recognize what the signs are from a kid that is hiding something, when you yourself have been there.  I heard of a story where a high school student called her teacher out of her name, and when the teacher confronted the parents about the derogatory words their child was using the teacher was told "You shouldn't take it personally."  As a parent you should not accept your child speaking like that to anybody let along a teacher or an elder.  Parents we need to not be so naive about our children and what they do when we're not around.  Sometimes the best thing to do is put yourself in their shoes and see it from their point of view.  Ask yourself "When I was their age would I do that?"  Some of the time you may not be able to see it from their point of view, but most of the time you have been in that exact situation.  It's important that we let our children know that they can speak to us about anything no matter what it's about.  Most people are afraid to be open with their parents or their peers because of the response they feel they will get from the person they are being open with.  Be sure to not judge them when they come to you being open.  When we yell at our kids or treat them as if what they told us in a negative way, they tend to shut down.  When we hear out what they have to say, we need to try to be understanding on what they say.  Let's explain to them our reasoning for wanting them to be open and honest about everything.  The better we work on our communication with our children at a young age the better they will be able to be open and communicate with us.  This lesson isn't just about to help parents have a open communication relationship with their children, but it help when you get older to have a open communication relationship with your peers and spouses.  Communication is one of the biggest issues in personal relationships today, so it's important that we prepare our children for these things at a young age.  Parents teach your kids to be able to speak to you about anything, talk to them and allow them to feel comfortable with expressing themselves to you.