The Game of Life

“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be”

-Marcel Pagnol


Sometimes life can't get so difficult that you feel as if it's going to destroy you.  For some of us it's hard for us to keep pushing and smiling through adversity all the time.  It's important that we always remember that things come and go and bad times will do the same, it's up to you to fight your way through it.  We've all been through hard times that we just didn't know if we could make it, but those times passed and you have become a stronger person because of that.  We would all like everyday to go perfectly, but that's not how life goes.  When going through bad times I try to keep a positive mindset, although it may be hard there are a few things that I think about when trying to keep positive and push through my hard times.  First I understand that life happens and bad times will come, I'm not the only person who has been down on their luck and I won't be the last.  I also feel as if I have a lot of time on this earth to go, and this will not be the only time that life gets me down.  We have to understand as people that life isn't made to be easy, if it was everyone would always be happy.  Forest Gump quoted "Life was like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get" although it was only a movie this statement makes sense.  We never know as people what life will serve us on a day to day basis the only thing we can do is learn from our mistakes, apply it to the next day, and try to maintain happiness.  There are always things we could do better and ways we can improve on our everyday lives, it's up to you to figure out what those are.  Take time to realize what you are working toward in life so that you know what path you are walking.  So many people feel as if the path will be shown to you, but I feel as if you will never see that path unless you clear out all of the weeds of negativity that blocks that path.  As people we need to remember that life will never be easy, only managable that's why you have to work at it to get the most out of it as you can.  It's important that we let our children know that they should expect life to be hard sometimes, but it's how they go about living it that will define who they are.
Let's stay motivated to better ourselves and keep life as simple as it could be, because we know that it will never get easier.

Hope!

Hope is the belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. It is a feeling of what is wanted can be had or that things will turn out for the best. Growing up I always set reasonable goals, with the hope of accomplishing those goals. Hope is what kept me going, even when I wasn't sure what the outcome would be. When you don't know what will happen, when things seem to be off course, its that hope that will sustain you and allow you to keep pushing forward. Many individuals that face hardships and get discouraged fall back on hope to get them through the most difficult of times. People that fight serious illness, depression, or constant failures continue to cling to hope. That hope can dictate how we act, how we view things, and how we treat others. In Christian theology, hope is one of the three main virtues, which are spiritual gifts from God. God instructs us to always have hope and safeguard our minds from negative thinking.
Hope is uplifting, strengthening, positive, and faith restoring. Without hope people can go downhill very quickly. For example if two people are in a boat lost at sea, and one of them is hopeful of a rescue and the other is not, which one is most likely to survive? That's right the person that remains hopeful will look at doing what he can to survive until they are rescued. While the other will be looking to end this ordeal as quickly as possible with or without a rescue. We need to be the person that is hopeful in all situations. Our behavior will reflect our hopeful and positive attitude.

Staying close to your son

"Daddy how do you know so much?" Has your boy ever taken you by surprise with such a question? At, the time you probably felt so proud to be a father. These times when they are young and look at you with so much admiration is really the most ideal time to build that lasting close relationship with your son. Over the years probably no fault of your own your son's regard for you can begin to shrink. How can we stay close to our sons as he develops into a man?
As fathers we have some unique challenges that inhibit our ability to stay close to our sons. The first thing is lack of time. Fathers are expected to earn most of the income for the family. Often, their job requires that they be away from the home for most of the day. In some places, fathers spend very little time with their children. A recent survey in France, for example, found that fathers spend on average less than 12 minutes a day caring for their children. How can you expect to build a bond with your son spending less than 12 minutes a day caring for him? Time is essential to staying close with your son. Take the time to ask him about his day. Ask him followup questions so that he elaborate on certain events of the day. It may be a good idea to write down how much time a day you are spending with your son, you may be amazed at the results.
Another limitation of fathers is the lack of a good example. Some men have very little to do with their own father. The lack of affection and love from our own fathers causes us to have difficulty showing that love and affection for our sons. It is essential that we do not follow the bad examples that have been set before us. Make sure we remember the feelings we had not having a father and make sure your son does not experience those feelings of loneliness and despair caused by our lack of fathers.
As men we need to realize all of the flaws we have in ourselves and be sure not to let that carry over to our sons.  Most boys want to be like their fathers when they grow up in every way, so they will tend to follow suit on a lot of the things we do.  We need to make sure that our sons gain all of our strengths, but none of our weaknesses.  So many men today feel like, as long as their sons have a strong mother they will be ok.  That is not the case in any way, you would be surprised how a boy can develop the tendencies of their fathers without even being around them very much.  Staying close to your son is not an easy thing to do especially as they grow, but its important to find something that you and your son can do together to help tighten your bond and encourage their development into young men.

Good Samaritan

It has happened to all of us at one point or another. Were sitting in the office, going to the store, or walking the dog and then it happens someone gets mugged, a purse snatched, or someone is physically assaulted. In a split second we are drawn into a trauma that is not expected and means very little to us personally. At that time adrenaline kicks in and our bodies are flooded with messages trying to decide if we should get involved. Do we stand by or even leave the scene, or do we get involved and save this person from more harm?
Too often in our society we look the other way rather than helping our fellow man, woman or child. The horrific events that have taken place at Penn State University should serve as warning to all of us of the dangers of turning our back on someone in need. For those not familiar with the story, the defensive coordinator for the Penn State football team was showering with a ten year old boy on the Penn state campus and when he was seen violating this little boy by another employee of the football team that employee allegedly decided to leave and go home for the evening without attempting to interfere on this innocent young boy's behalf. How can a person witness something so heinous and not attempt to help the child? No doubt this person had to have a moment where he thought he should do something instead he didn't listen to his conscience and walked away. This crime was witnessed in 2002 and it was not reported to the police, instead this guy felt that his only obligation was to report this to his superior, who happens to be the perpetrators good friend. I am sickened by the lack of compassion for this child. How could anyone just wash their hands of their responsibility as a human being to report this directly to the police and have this monster arrested? I am just beyond myself trying to figure out why anyone would allow this to go on. Since this incident in 2002 as many as six other kids have come forward with allegations against this same former football coach. How sad is it that all these other victims could have been spared if one person would have had the fortitude to stand up when he witnessed this horrific act taking place.
I hope all of us can use this as an example of how not to react when someone especially a child is in grave danger. Even if it doesn't involve us directly there are times when we as humans have to put our fear aside and do the right thing. Let your conscience be your guide and hopefully it won't steer you wrong.

Your Child's First Teacher

Children learn a lot from going to school and getting a formal education. But they are also educated by identifying with and imitating their parents. Dr. Benjamin Spock a renowned expert on children and family development called this "incidental learning". Dr. Spock thought that children develop the basic survival tools they need long before they enter the world of formal schooling. I would agree totally with this assumption. As studies show kids do the most learning between the ages of zero and five that's when they are able to absorb an awful lot of information and be able to retain it. Incidental learning takes place throughout a child's life, but a child's first teachers are his parents, and they are his most profound inspiration. Children will attempt to imitate everything that their parents do. The way you talk, walk, and even dress is all being studied closely by your children. Incidental learning at home also influences how a child will perform in school. The best way to instill a love of books in children is to read to them and for them to see their parents enjoying books. Father's, we need to make sure we are a model for what we want our daughter's to look for in a man. A daughter's father shapes the way she views men and the way she feels men should treat her. Make sure we are showing the proper respect for their mother as well as other women we come in contact with so that our daughter's know they deserve and will demand respect from any man they choose to date.
Make sure to treat others as you would like to be treated. Each time you loose your temper or over react to a situation you have a very impressionable child soaking up those behaviors from you. Be the example that you want your child to be through your own positive thoughts and feelings. 
If you want your child's incidental learning to be as beneficial as possible, you should demonstrate whenever possible the type of qualities that you want your child to imitate. Being courteous, loving, adventurous, kind, and an all around good person will inspire our kids to want to do those same things and exhibit these excellent qualities.

Lifes Decisions

One of the things that I told myself that I would always do is not regret any of the decisions that I make.  So that means that every thing that I do I have to learn from so that I can grow as a person.  There are so many people that make rash decisions and regret them later.  It's OK to regret bad decisions in the past, but it's how you grow from that which determines how you learned that lesson.  I was having a conversation with some people about how a lot of women tend to look for men that will take care of them and provide finer things in their lives.  So without any hesitation those women form relationships with those men and then in time have children with those men.  Blinded by monetary and shiny happiness they tend to overlook the fact that this man is not suited to be a father.  By the time they look around this man has left her high and dry taking care of a kid that she wasn't prepared to have.  On the woman side of this situation it's important that women understand who they lay with, you have to know that in the chance that the 2 of you have children will this man be here for his family.  Men have to think that way as well, ask yourself do you think this woman will make an adequate mother and teach your daughter how to be a outstanding woman.  As adults we need to do a better job of understanding what our consequences could be for the things that we do and take responsibility for them.  There are so many young children in the world that has no guidance due to the way their parents handle themselves before they got here.  If the parents have no clue how to respect themselves they will stand no chance in teaching their children to do the same.  We have to make sure that we are teaching our children how to go about conducting themselves in a manner that is acceptable to both their peers and the people that they one day will influence.  So it's always necessary for us as people realize that their is always consequences and things to be learned in life, it's how we go about shaping those decisions that helps become the best people.

Thanks for your support

We have been doing this blog for almost 9 months now and the feedback we have been receiving is awesome.  We appreciate everyone that has ever took the time to read our blog and leave comments.  We started off writing this blog to help inspire people to be better in their daily lives.  We wanted to help promote better fathers since that's what we strive to be.  Growing up without our fathers in our lives helped us understand the importance of being their for our children and teaching them to grow to be great human beings.  It's always been important for us to make an impact on peoples lives no matter how we could.  We understand that our blog is not geared towards everyone, but as long as we can have one person read our blog and say to themselves "That made a lot of sense" and apply it to their daily lives we feel like we accomplished something.  Our goal was to break the stereotype of the average black man and help other black men understand the importance of doing that as well.  To be a great person you have to be able to understand where you came from and where you are going, if you do not know those things you will fail at growing.  Promoting growth is one of the things we try to focus on the most, since growth is a part of everyone's lives no matter the age, color, or gender.  We went from blogging everyday to just a couple days a week in order to put out the best possible blogs we could.  Simply because we felt our blogs should be quality over quantity, so we apologize to the people who looked forward to reading everyday. As a result of your support we have continued to put out the best and most thought provoking content that we come across. We have not added any ads on our blog in an attempt to make sure our message does not get cluttered with any outside influences. We want the focus to strictly be on the quality of the information and nothing else.  We never want to come off as experts in the advice that we give, however a lot of the topics that we touch are always based off experience.  So this blog was just a way of saying Thank You to our faithful readers and that helping others motivates us to want to keep it up.  So if you keep reading we will keep putting out great advice and sound topics.

Believe in Yourself

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt

"Whether you think you can or think you can't, you are right" - Henry Ford

There may be days where you get up in the morning and things aren't the way you hoped they would be...there will be challenges to face and changes to make in life. That's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better. People will disappoint you, they may let you down in one way or another, but those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgments and to keep your life focused on believing in yourself and all that you are capable of.
We must remember that the only opinion that really matters to us is our own opinion. Put aside the opinions of others, do not allow anyone else's opinion to negatively affect your view of yourself. Speak up for yourself at work, at school. or at home. This will build confidence in your own voice and opinion. Do not be afraid to try new things. Sometimes a small accomplishment can go a long way to help build a strong sense of self worth, and can help you believe in yourself  the next time you are faced with a challenge or goal. Take on challenges with a positive attitude. Believe that you will be able to meet this challenge and make it through. Whatever goal you set for yourself believe that you will accomplish this goal and work hard towards the finish.  After accomplishing goals and meeting challenges you begin to feel really good about yourself. Your confidence rises and your belief in yourself grows.  Believing that you can do anything is what makes us as people so unique.  It seems a lot of the time we find ways not to believe in ourselves and what we are capable of becoming so we tend to not go for our goals.  We have to always remember even if you do not believe in yourself there is somebody that does.
We are all human and there will be times when we aren't able to accomplish a goal or meet a challenge. These are times where we must have that extra resolve to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and do better the next time. Whatever happens in life you must continue to believe in your abilities and strengths, stay positive, and things will more often than not turn out in your favor.

Successful Families

The right priorities are one of the most important aspects of successful families. It is very important for each parent to put family needs ahead of their own selfish needs, ahead of work, friends and possessions. Both parents need to be willing to sacrifice their time and effort for the interest of the family. These things are highly important in building a successful family life. Taking the time to go over your child's homework, attending their games or recitals are all vital in showing that you care and are committed to making your family successful.
The one institution in life that will always work if you put in the effort is the family. No matter what happens if you are fully committed and have shown love to your family it will be successful it's just that simple. Sometimes families break up even when both parents have done all they can to make it work. That does not mean the family will not be successful. Continue to show that love and respect for your spouse and you can still have a very successful family life. Lee Iacocca one of the most successful business people in the world, admits "The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works, is the family." This coming from a guy that spent 2 million dollars on gold-plated faucets. So he was no doubt "successful" at business but he failed at family and when it is all said and done your family success is what outlasts any of your secular success.
Being successful at family is different for all of us. Our ideas of a successful family differ, but we all want our children to succeed. The most important part is to do your best. Put the needs of your family first, love them unconditionally, and respect your spouse. These are the basis of each successful family.

Building Your Reputation

Building a good reputation takes time. It is not something that is achieved overnight. It's the product of  persistent action over time. In order to achieve a good reputation you have to do things that affect people in a good way. Helping an elderly person carry groceries into their home, caring for a sick friend or family member, it doesn't have to be grand gestures, just a continuous string of good deeds will go a long way to building a good reputation. We all know people that have good reputations. Those guys that when you talk about them you always throw in the fact that this guy is a good person. He is the guy that you invite to parties, and to hang out and watch football on Sundays. He is also the guy you will go out of your way to help if he needs your help because you know he will be there for you. All this is possible because that guy has a built a good reputation. That's it, simply having a good reputation makes life so much easier.
One thing to understand about your rep is that it does stick with you. As you start out in life and go about building your reputation, people will label you with a good or bad rep. People with good reputations will have better business dealings, and personal dealings as well.. Not only does your rep affect your personal life but it can also affect your job. Employers are checking the background of individuals before hiring them. They will not hesitate to check your references and ask what type of person you are, and we wouldn't want our friends to have to lie to make us look better than we are. It doesn't matter what type of business you are in, whenever you are dealing with someone you always want to feel comfortable with that person, and if they have a well known reputation as a "shyster" then it is very likely that you would not feel comfortable doing business with this individual.
Your reputation is something that we all should take a lot of pride in. We should guard our rep with our life, because chances are your rep will stick with you for life. Its important for young adults and even children to know that building a good rep starts at a young age. Starting early and continuing throughout adulthood is how you build a stellar reputation.

Make Everyday a Friday!

"Faith is always in the present. Your attitude should be: Im excited to be alive at this moment. Im excited to be breathing today. Im excited about my family, my health, and my opportunities. I have plenty of reasons to be happy right now."
-Joel Osteen

Happiness is defined as inner peace and contentment. It is experienced when there are no worries, fears or obsessing thoughts. When we do something we love to do, or be around people we love to be with, when we win, or achieve a goal we become happy. Although it seems to be the result of positive events, truth is, happiness comes from the person itself, only triggered by positive events. The way we choose to look at things can have a positive or negative impact on our happiness. Always look at the bright side of things and never be too pessimistic. If you break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend look at the positives that this breakup can bring, such as having more time to dedicate to friends or going to gym, or simply relaxing and getting to know yourself better, use this time for self discovery.  Make sure you do not wallow in self pity, your mind can easily fall into the trap of feeling sorry for yourself and that gets you nowhere. We all have setbacks and circumstances may change but do not let that change your mind. Keep your mind set on happiness. It is your choice to be happy. Make up your mind to enjoy this day, to have a blessed and prosperous day.
It's always important that we stay positive, the more positive you are the better the outcome of your day.  So often we approach our work weeks focused on making it to Friday.  Why is it that we look so forward to reaching Friday?  Is it just the appreciation of having an off day?  We should never only enjoy a day by knowing that we have a day off the next day.  We have to treat everyday as if the next day is our day off, lets make sure that we can appreciate everyday to the fullest.  They say time flies when your having fun, so that's why so many people come back to work Monday feeling like they didn't enjoy their weekends.  If we take the time to enjoy everyday like it's a Friday maybe our time wouldn't feel so wasted.  So many people finds reasons to be unhappy, when if they looked at it they could find so many reasons to be joyful.  I've been guilty of this as well, I have a habit of going into my birthday month with the idea that nothing will ruin those days at all.  After getting through that month and realizing that I went through everyday that month with a smile on my face brushing off any negative vibes I may have gotten,  I realized that if I can do it for 31 days out of a year, why couldn't I do it everyday.  Then I thought to myself that it is all mental.  Try to tell yourself everyday will be a great day and 9 out of 10 times it will be.  Positivity is all in our minds, and if you want to treat everyday like a Friday then you could do that with a smile on your face.

Think Before Speaking

In the bible it says that all men should be swift about hearing and slow about speaking. That is so true especially in these days. It is much more beneficial in relationships and in business to be slow to speak and swift not only to hear but to listen. How many of us stop and think before we speak? It is fair to say that most of us decide what point we want to get across and then we proceed to speaking. The thing to realize is that, the most important part of communication is the reaction you get from the person listening. If you tell somebody something very important but you don't say it in a way that the person can understand then you really haven't communicated successfully with that person. You want to make sure that you are communicating in the right tone and with the right words so that your information is received and heard. I recently watched a documentary about Welles Crowther a man who helped save the lives of close to twenty people during the 9/11 tragedy in 2001. One of the survivors who was helped explained that after the plane hit the South Tower she was laying on her back, severely burned thinking she was going to die and then she heard a voice that said "I found the stairs, follow me, only help the ones you can help." She said it was the way he said it, not what he said, but the way he said it that made her gather up the courage to get up and follow him to the stairs. Even in the face of such tragedy Welles was able to remain calm and speak in a matter that helped save lives. We should all take the time to think before we speak. Realizing what point we are trying to make while still focusing on the audience that is receiving the information. Make sure we are saying something that is encouraging and not intended to be hurtful.
This is important lesson to pass on to our youth. In this day and age with social media, 24 hour news, and instant access things you say or tweet or put on Facebook are displayed for the world to see. Words can be taken the wrong way and really offend someone without that being your intention at all. Make sure we stress to our children the need to think before we hit the send button.

Raising Kids in the 21st Century

As parents and soon to be parents we have to make decisions on how to raise our children and how to set them up to be successful in the future.  This past weekend I was speaking to a good friend of mines about baby names since he is soon going to be a father.  He told me about how he wants to name his son something uncommon yet he doesn't won't his sons name to come across as too ethnic.  He was concerned that when his son gets old enough that people would automatically categorize him as something he may not be just because of his name.  Will my son be able to get a job interview because of his name?  Will employers automatically disregard his applications because they know he is a minority because of his name?  It's a shame that still in this day and age as soon to be parents these are things we have to worry about.  Is our society still that shallow that they would discriminate on someone just because of their name?  There are situations such as these that makes it so difficult to become a parent.  It should be no problem for this man to name his son whatever he likes without having to worry about the backlash of what could happen  in the child's future.

There are also situations that we have to deal with as parents that are raising kids.  In this day and age we cannot give our kids the same life lessons that we learned as children because some of them do not apply and others simply could cause more problems than anything.  I asked myself the question of , How do I go about teaching my son to defend himself?  Back when we were growing up it was always if someone hits you, you hit them back.  You get in a fight one person wins and it's over with.  However these days it doesn't work that way.  These days even young teens are carrying guns to school with intent to use it on the first person that steps on their toes.  By teaching my son to fight back I risk the chance of him fighting someone who doesn't want to lose or be embarrassed so his next result would be to shoot someone.  This is the age we live in, so as fathers and parents what do we teach our children to do in these cases?  It comes down to teaching our children to deal with situations without losing their tempers.  We have to teach our children to be able to talk their problems out and be aware of the situations that they could be put in.  Nothing is worth losing your child over, so teach them how to work out situations instead of making bad ones arise.  As parents it's important that we understand that parenting isn't just about taking care of your child, it's about teaching them valuable life lessons that they can carry with them for the rest of their lives.  It's about making sure that they can take care of themselves in just about any situation.  Bottom line is when thinking about having kids and raising them think a little more about how their lives could turn out, not just about what they will do to your lives.    

Professionalism

If you want to be successful, you have to get used to being a professional. How you look, talk, write, act and work determines whether you are a professional or an amateur. Society does not emphasize the importance of professionalism, so people tend to believe that amateur work is normal. 
Schools graduate students who cannot read. You can miss 15% of the driving-test answers and still get a driver license. "Just getting by" is an attitude many people accept. But it is the attitude of amateurs? Professional people make sure to be on time for meetings, showing that they value other people's time. If you are going to be late make sure to contact the person you are meeting with to let them know you will be running late. Being a professional is a state of mind, you have to look beyond your immediate needs and think about the long term perception of yourself and your business. I was just speaking to a young black guy who had three job offers this past week, and in this job market that was outstanding. I asked him how he was able to achieve that feat and he said that there are jobs to be had, guys just aren't applying themselves. That was very interesting to hear and absolutely on the money. It takes more than just being qualified for a position, you have to also apply yourself. We need to do our homework on a company before showing up for the interview so that we know something about the company upon arrival for the interview. We also need to include a cover letter with your resume, make sure there aren't any typos, and the information is up to date. These are all aspects of being a professional. Not only do you do what is expected of you, but also going above and beyond those expectations. 
Being a professional is really about having and applying common sense. In these times common sense is becoming a rare commodity. Being able to actually use the common sense that you were taught goes a long way to help in our professionalism. Make sure to give others credit when they deserve credit, be quick to compliment others on a job well done. Show positive body language, and smile whenever possible. This is something that is not easy to accomplish but it's very much worth striving for.  Continue to show that positive and professional attitude and your business prospects will continue to grow.

Conflict Resoluton

Some of the best relationship advice I have received has been about conflict resolution. So many people are out looking for someone that they are compatible with but are not actually thinking about someone that has good conflict resolution skills. In a relationship there are going to be times were you disagree with each other on how to deal with an issue. It could be something small such as what to eat for dinner, to something big like what school your children should go to or where to vacation. The important thing is knowing how to work through conflicts without them growing into something harmful to the relationship. Whenever there are disagreements it's important to find a resolution. It is not healthy to suppress your anger, this leads to resentment and additional conflict. I have been a victim of allowing things to fester and then lashing out over something small when really I'm upset about something else that I failed to address properly. Many studies have been conducted that show a direct correlation between successful couples and how well they handle conflict.
When conflict does arrive it is best to give yourself time to think about how you feel and then calmly discuss how you feel with your partner. Too often we get into a conflict and start saying things out of anger and nothing gets resolved. Keep in mind that you are working towards a resolution, nobody has to win or lose its just a means to an end. Make sure to listen to the other person and really take in what they are saying. Do not just look for ways to discount what they are saying but listen and try to understand their point of view.  Most of us tend to get upset because of disagreements, when in essence it's not that serious to allow it to ruin your day.  A lot of us tend to allow a person to ruin our day simply because we get upset that we disagreed with someone.  Take time to think about what the issue really is and give yourself a chance to let it go.  Most arguments begin when people try to have a serious conversation and you are still upset.  This only leads to escalated voice and high blood pressure.  We all have a cool down point and something that allows us to think more clearly about what we are debating about.  When you find yourself in a debate and you realize that the other person is starting to get a little frustrated, it may be wise to speak to the person in a calm manner and let them know that they're getting upset and we should calm down.  Most of us don't realize when we start to get upset until it happens, and we only tend to stay upset because we assume that the other person is as well. Conflict resolution can be a good way for you and your partner to grow. If done properly both people learn something about each other and respect each other more for having the patience to work through issues together.

United Families

This past weekend I was able to attend a family reunion on for my girlfriends family.  While attending and dealing with the one of the people that put the event together I learned a few things.  I learned that no matter what you go through and no matter what the discrepancies you are still family.  Family is one of the most important things in life.  Its essential to everything you stand for as an adult and everything you went through as a child.  These are the people that helped shape who you are and continue to lead you into the person you are gonna be.  We all have child hood stories of things that are cousins did or that crazy Aunt who always got on your nerves at family functions.  These are important people in your life and the bond that you will have with these people for the rest of your life can never be broken.  There are so many people in the world that write family off because of a misunderstanding or a fallout that they might have had, but when it's all said and done you can never write off the people that share the same blood line as you.  There are times in our lives when we feel like we can go on without certain people in our family, but those people are still people that at one point you loved dearly and can never be forgotten or erased.  It's so important that we as parents and as leaders of a newer yet better generation enforce on the youth the importance of family.  We need to let them know that keeping in touch with your loved ones is essential.  They must understand that a families bond can never be broken and will forever live on as long as the bloodline continues.  There are a lot of youth these days that will turn on their own brother for a quick buck, or rob their own mother if that means they can get high one more time.  These are the people that we cannot let our children turn into.  The moment your children does not care about their families will be the same time they will fail to care about anyone else but themselves.  Sometimes it's OK to want to do you and to not care if nobody else cares what you do, but you should never lose sight of family.  Whether it's an Aunt on your dad side that you do not talk to much, or a cousin that you got into a fight with when you were 14, or just a family member that you do not keep up with very often, we need to make sure that our family understands how we feel about them.
I make it a point to tell my closest friends who I consider family how much they mean to me and how much I consider them as part of my family, without that no one can truly understand the category they fit in.  Generations ago our ancestors understood the importance of family, they kept strong bonds and made sure that all family was taken care of we as people need to get back to that so that our younger generation understands the importance of sticking together as family and keeping the bond of their bloodline tight.

Fatherhood reveals the real you

“Being a parent changed everything for me. Fatherhood has revealed me. It has given me great perspective and a true purpose in life.”

-Johnny Depp

Fatherhood does exactly that, it changes everything. It forces you to look at yourself and your life with a whole different purpose. As I think back to my first born coming into this world I remember this feeling rushing over me that life has just gotten "real". No longer was I just in charge of my own life but now I had the responsibility of another life to look after. It's a very scary and exciting feeling all at once. The first year as a father is even more revealing as you learn each day more and more about your child, his or her likes and dislikes as well as what they need and expect from you as a parent. These times are so special because this is when that critical bond is formed between you and your child. As they grow and develop their own personalities, you will see more of yourself in them. Their mannerisms and style of speech will be reflections of their parents. Johnny Depp goes on to say in the article “It didn’t change my life. It made my life, my kids are amazing. Even when they were babies I was learning from them." Isn't that inspiring to know that you can learn things from your children even as babies. When I meet other men that are expecting kids I always make a point to welcome them to the club. I believe that it is good to know that there are other fathers out there that are dedicated and can form a good support system for other fathers. 
The club of fatherhood is not just a club for men who have children, but for those men that want to make a positive impact on children's lives. We feel here at Dajs Daily that if fathers can break the stigma of not being around then we can spark a change in the world.  The impact our children make on our lives is life changing. As we have said before true fathers work out ways to be positive influences on their children. Having kids does indeed reveal the real you. Lets all remember just how wonderful and precious our time is with our kids and make each moment count. 

Invested Interest

School time is here once again and it's good to see how a lot of people I know are making it a point to take interest in their children's school affairs.  It seems these days that parents don't pay enough attention to what their children are involved in at their school.  A lot of people don't know the impact that it makes on a child when you show concern with what they are involved in at school.  Some of the things that's important to take part in is extra curricular activities.  Try to keep your child involved in activities that can keep their mind creative and inspirational.  A lot of the time parents tend not to encourage their children to do positives activities that will help influence them to use their time more productively.  We also have to make sure that take a personal interest to know who our children spend their time with.  Often children tend to run with the wrong crowd, but not really know how to recognize when they are associated with those type of people.  It's important that we help our children recognize people that are good for their growth and the people who are not.  We did a blog on Peer Pressure Monday, and that's one of the most important things we do not want our children to fall victim to.  When we take interest in our children and what they do at school, we as parents also are influencing our children to be open with us about what goes on.  We have all been there when we are at school or doing school we have been doing something that our parents would not agree with.  Lets make sure that our children are not afraid to be open about what goes on in their school lives.
So often teenagers commit suicide and the parents say they had no clue on why their child would do such a thing.  Generally the first question they ask the parent is "What type of kid was your child?"  Some parents are unable to answer that question completely due to them not knowing their child very well.  In this day in age we that consider ourselves great parents have to be sure we can answer that question from anyone.  If you do not know your own child how do you expect anyone else to know what your child is capable of?  The more we are involved with our children the more we can understand who they are,  thus promoting growth.  The longer your child takes to grow the longer it will take for them to reach their maximum potential.  Have you ever known someone that you found yourself saying that you need to grow up to often?  Most of the time those are those people that didn't get much encouragement to grow when they were younger.  We have to remember as parents that we are our children's biggest heroes and we have the power to influence them to be as great as they possibly can.  Take time this school year to be able to answer the question "Do I know my child?"

Peer Pressure

This week being back to school for a lot of children, there is a chance that your child will have to deal with peer pressure. As parents we have to equip our children with the tools to stand up to peer pressure. Our children's peers impact their life quite a bit. Just by spending time with certain individuals things rub off on our kids that they probably don't even realize. Sometimes peers influence each other in negative ways. For example, a few kids in school might try to get your child to cut class with them, their so called friends might try to convince them to be mean to another person and never talk to that person, or a kid in the neighborhood might want you to shoplift with them. These are all things that our children may be faced with and they will have to make a quick decision that can impact them greatly. There are so many young men in jail right now because they made one wrong decision.
Why do our children give in to peer pressure? Some kids do it because they want to be liked. They simply do not want the other kids to make fun of them, if they choose not to go along with the crowd. Some kids are curious to do what others are doing, its the old "everybody is doing it" idea that can influence kids to abandon their better judgment. Its very tough on kids to know how to stand up for what is right in the face of ridicule.
Dealing with peer pressure is something we must talk to our children about. Help build inner strength within them to stand up for themselves. Teach them not to be a follower but to be a leader and  walk away from peer pressure. Teach them that resisting temptation to do what is bad is far more rewarding than doing what everybody else is doing. It can also be a huge help to have at least one other peer, or friend, who is willing to say "no," too. This takes a lot of the power out of peer pressure and makes it much easier to resist. It's great to have friends with values similar to yours who will back you up when you don't want to do something.  As parents we need to insure that our children understand that it's OK to be there own person and to not give into the temptation of following what others do.

Never Worth It

Last week their was an incident where a little girl was kidnapped by her father after finding out that the mother had gained full custody of the child in a custody battle.  The man had kidnapped his own daughter and by the time authorities found the vehicle they found the bodies of the man and the little girl lifeless.  They have yet to reveal the causes of death, but we must assume that the man took the life of his own child.  What leads people to commit acts of crime like this?  What drives people to want to take their own lives as well as their children's lives?  It's one thing to want to kill yourself, but it's a whole other situation to kill your child.  How weak must you be to feel that your child shouldn't be on this earth?  Regardless of the situation and all of the bad things that happens on this planet you still need to give your child the opportunity to live her life.  It's unbelievable how someone could just take their child's life for such a reason as losing custody.  More than likely the man had contemplated on taking his own life at some point and figured since he had his daughter with him, why not.  However that leads me to the topic at hand, How hard does it have to get for you to want to take your own life?  I feel like their is always something to live for no matter how dire the circumstances.  If not you would want to live to see your children grow and make it in our society as honest adults, you would assume that's the least a parent could live for.  Taking your own life could never be worth it especially with all the good things that life has to offer.  I've heard of people taking their lives due to financial hardship, spouses leaving them, and because of the way that society has us feel.  When killing yourself appears to be an option it's important that we look at the bigger picture of our lives, such as what we have to look forward to in our lives.  For some of us that contemplates suicide they feel that their is nothing else to live for, but that's so hard for me to believe.  I think that those people just do not have a perception of the things they could have in their lives.  Life is meant to be hard, it's up to you to find a way to deal with it and make it manageable, not everyone on earth has it easy.  I try to look at it as, I'm not the only person dealing with hardships and if life was easy their would be so many people more happy.  The sooner we come to the understanding that life is tough but we have to deal with it, the sooner we can understand that taking our own lives is not an option.  Parents it's important we talk to our children to help them understand that life will be hard and you will go through somethings that will hurt or seem unbearable, but it's how you pull through that which makes you.  Let them know that know matter what they go through life will still go on, and that giving up on it is unacceptable.  The rate of teenage suicide has risen 8% since 2003, which is the biggest annual increase we have seen in the last 15 years.  Lets help promote awareness for this situation, lets insure that people understand that giving up on life and the lives of others is never an acceptable option to choose.

Fathers...No Longer Just a Luxury

Throughout human history the fathers role in the family has been mainly for hunting and gathering purposes and for protection. Women have always been known as the one to take care of the children and father's interacted when discipline was needed. As time went on even up to the modern times fathers were still the ones most likely to have jobs where they work long hours while the wife tends to the home. Those days are finally beginning to change. Society is now beginning to see the importance of an involved fathers in his children's lives. A noted sociologist, Dr. David Popenoe, is one of the pioneers of the relatively young field of research into fathers and fatherhood. "Fathers are far more than just 'second adults' in the home," he says. "Involved fathers bring positive benefits to their children that no other is as likely to bring. Fathers have a direct impact on the well being of their children.
The facts are children with  involved, caring fathers simply have better educational outcomes. A number of studies show that fathers who are involved, nurturing, and playful with their infants have children with higher IQ's, as well as better linguistic and cognitive capacities. How wonderful is it as fathers to know that all we have to do is love and be involved in our kids life to make an impact on their learning capabilities? Society is starting to show some changing in the mindset of fathers in the home. Canada has instituted a law for new parents that allows for up to 52 weeks for paternity leave. The great thing about this is that it can be split amongst both parents. They allow the father to get some time to bond with the newborn as well which is greatly overlooked in this country.
Fathers need to understand how important their presence is in their kids lives. Children are greatly affected by the absence of one of their parents. Too often fathers think its ok to leave their children because they have their mother and that is a terrible attitude to have. Mothers are wonderful and have a very important role but that by no means makes it better for the child to only have their mother. Fathers needs to stay actively involved in educating their kids, playing with their kids, and being someone that they can talk too about anything. We here at Dajs Daily stress this point so much because it means so much to each of us. We both did not grow up with fathers and have seen first hand the affects of a missing father. This is something we carry with us each day so that we don't make the same mistake with our children.

Controlling Emotions

I know we all have issues in life that doesn't allow us to keep a smile on our face or stay in good moods, but for those of us that are raising a children we have to be careful on the moods we portray.  A lot of the time when we are having a bad day we would just like to mope around with a disgusted look on our face, but we can't always do that.  Our children look up to us in so many ways and by seeing their parents in certain moods that rubs off on them.  We need to be careful not to allow our children to get themselves down over the way we are feeling when they don't know any better.  I know many of you ask how do you defeat that mood when you are feeling that way, and it's hard for me to answer that question since most people are different.  However I will say that think about who you could be effecting when you are feeling that way.  Most of the time your mood can change the vibe of a room.  for example you could be very happy and in a great room, and if you bring that excitement into a room 9 out of 10 times you will get more people in that room in a good mood.  Same goes for bad moods, when you soaking about something most people will pick that up and their general good mood will turn a little somber.  Known of us live our lives for anybody else so most of us could care less, but for those who are raising kids you have to keep this in mind.  We have to insure that our children knows that just because mommy or daddy is in a bad mood or upset about something that it does not effect them.  Try to talk to them if you are not in a particular good mood to let them know why they should not worry.  Same thing applies for good moods, explain to them why you are in a good mood to let them know that it's OK to express their happiness when they feel they need to.  We bring this topic up because so often we as parents get so caught up in the stresses of everyday life that we forget the effect it may have on our children emotionally.  There are a lot of people that grew up with issues because their parents divorced, abused them, didn't spend quality time with them, or was just simply abandoned.  Most of those all come from the parents dealing with issues and emotionally taking it out on their children one way or another.  One of the best ways to change our society for the better is to strengthen our children mentally by insuring that they understand how to deal with their emotions.  I had a conversation with someone and she told me that she didn't understand why men find it so hard to cry in front of women.  I replied with "Because we've been bread not to and as men we don't want to show weakness."  So many men out their are afraid to show their true emotions simply because they are afraid of what they would be labeled as if they show that emotion.  For men it's important that we allow our sons to cry and show emotions sometimes because if not he will more than likely bottle it all in and eventually effect his children and family with his bottled up emotions.  Lets learn as people to deal with our emotions better and identify how to resolve them, because a lot of the time it doesn't just effect us it effects the people we care about around us.

Motivation to become great

All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me... You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.
Walt Disney


After watching this past weekends coverage of the Hall of Fame ceremony one thing has become more clear.  That is that most athletes have a driving force other than just pure talent.  It's their need to be the best and their overwhelming sensation to do it for the people that they look up to the most.  Deion Sanders said that he created his Prime Time persona for his mother, so that people would treat him different from just the average defensive player, and Shannon Sharpe said that he pushed him so hard so that he could provide for his grandmother.  These are 2 of the most gifted players to play their position ever and they did it all for the people they love.  So we ask ourselves what does it take to be a great man or woman, and it has to be our desire to want to do so.  I'm sure there were times when these 2 athletes wanted to give up and not try as hard, but that would have just placed them in the pack with the average player, but their quest to be the best would not allow that.  Deion stated that when he faced adversity and all of the naysayers started questioning the way he carried himself he saw his Momma pushing a cart at her job.  He said that he was once ashamed that his mother did that for a living and he refused to see her go back to that.  Once he became a pro he said that his mother never worked again a day in her life and he took care of every bill she has ever had.  Motivation to be the best person you can be doesn't always come from someone else prepping you and pumping you up to do good, it has to come from within.  You have to be able to get up every morning and say to yourself that I will be great no matter what the outcome.  Let's try to teach the upcoming generation to be motivated to be great, anyone can be average but only those that truly want it will exceed being average.  There is nothing wrong with being average, but settling for the bare minimum should never be acceptable for anyone.  It's important that we teach our kids not to settle for the bare minimum, because when you settle you stop growth.  Without growth we learn nothing and continue to deal with not having what we deserve which is anything you can dream of.  Sometimes it gets hard to push through adversity especially when you feel that you are doing your best and your not seeing anything positive come out of it, but you have to believe you will.  You have to believe that every good deed you do will have some type of positive benefit whether it comes sooner or later.  I find it hard to push through a lot of my own issues, but I know that what I'm doing benefits somebody even if I'm not happy all of the time.  As people we sacrifice something each day whether it be rest because you have to go to work the next day, or fun because you have children to take care of that night, or just time to spend helping someone resolve a problem.  The one thing I took away from watching those 2 great men speak on last weekend was the fact that no matter what they wouldn't give up on their dreams, and to capture their dreams they would have to pay some sort of price.  Lets try everyday to not allow our sacrifice of time and effort go be en vain.

Is the grass really greener on the other side?

Have you ever pondered this question? Have you ever found yourself enjoying the company of someone that is not your significant other and wondered how things would be if you were with that person instead of the one you are with? We are only human and sometimes your mind wonders even when you don't want it too. I recently heard from a married man who is thinking about divorcing his wife because he feels they aren't compatible. He says that his once loving and fulfilling relationship is no longer working. We are just not right for each other, we are very different and do not have much in common except for their lovely children he goes on to explain. As we continue to talk I notice his reasons for his failing marriage, he suggests that their different religious beliefs are the root of the problem. He says that his lack of religion and her strong fundamentalist beliefs are too much for the couple to overcome. That all seems to make sense...As I tried to provide some counsel on the issues he tells me that he has met someone that he has really taking a liking too. He and this woman have bonded emotionally, and the intimacy, and acceptance he feels with her is too good to ignore. He says that he has new found joy in being able to live without the constant demands of family.
Of course for many people a life without cares, responsibility, and duties, are a lot easier than dealing with the demands of marriage. Oftentimes when you are able to be with someone and engage in an intimate relationship without "real life" interfering life looks a lot more exciting, romantic, and enjoyable. But I'm here to tell you that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence, sometimes there isn't even any grass at all. A healthy relationship takes work, effort, time, and most of all love. There is simply no substitute for it. The idea that a marriage can be healthy and happy without the emotional, mental, and physical investment is way out of touch with reality. When you are going through tough times, and your relationship is suffering someone else always seems to look more attractive. Do not become a victim of this false advertising. Instead of looking for other grass, try watering your own lawn and help your grass become the greenest on the block.

Working torwards happiness

The people we are in relationship with
are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs,
and simultaneously we are mirrors, reflecting their beliefs.
So... relationship is one of the most powerful tools for growth...
If we look honestly at our relationships,
we can see so much about how we have created them.

~ Shakti Gawain ~

There are so many people out there that are in relationships that don't understand why their spouse acts the way they do.  When most of the time it's usually staring them right in the face, but since we fail to put ourselves in the shoes of the other we miss it.  It's always important to put ourselves in the shoes of our spouses so that we can better understand how they feel.  Most of us expect to have our the situation be written out for us like 1-2-3, but it doesn't always work that way.  When trying to resolve an issue in our relationships it's so important to talk them out.  Sometimes we may not find the proper resolution right away, but at least you will understand what issues you and your spouse are having and try to hash them out.  We all expect change in our relationship to occur over night, however it doesn't work that way.  Being in a relationship is hard work and if it was easy then most marriages would not end in divorce.  We have to work at what we want the most just as we do our jobs, raising our kids, and living life in general.  There are no relationships that are perfect, most people see happy couples, but don't realize how much work it took to get to that point.  It's hard to expect us all to deal with a person everyday balancing work, kids, and making each other happy without encountering some sort of turmoil.  Relationships also help you grow as a person, by going through certain situations you realize how you have developed and how you can develop.  As people a lot of us have difficulties dealing with any type of relationships even friendships.  Although friendships and a relationship with a spouse are different in some ways, they are similar in a lot of ways as well.  When dealing with our Friends we realize there are certain things that our friends expect of us, and that applies to relationships with our spouses as well.  Adapting to our situations is the best way to make a relationship work.  However it is important that we try to understand that our spouses are adapting to our attitudes and that we must try to adapt to theirs as well.  Relationships are a give and take, you can't expect to have it your way all the time, but you should expect to be met half way by the other person your with.  As a father i want to teach my son that being in a relationship is not easy, you have to want to make it work.  I will let him know that the harder you work at it the longer it will last.  If you ask anyone who has been married for a long time, they will tell you that it's wasn't easy.  You will never find someone that will be perfect and not have any issues, but you can find someone that has issues you can deal with a lot better.  I'm a firm believer that there is somebody for everybody, but when you find that somebody that you feel is the one you have to be sure that you treat them the way that they deserve.  If you are in a relationship and you have issues that have come up and you left on the back burner I would advise anyone in that situation to work them out so that it isn't a reoccurring problem.

Breaking the stigma

Every dad, if he takes time out of his busy life to reflect upon his fatherhood, can learn ways to become an even better dad. ~Jack Baker

Being a good father is such hard work, especially since a good father sacrifices his own needs in place of the needs of his children.  I believe the easiest thing a man can do is not be there for his children.  It's so easy to pickup and leave or to just not care all together, but it's the great fathers who take on the challenge and persevere through it all.  There are so many men that give up on being there for their children due to hardships in there relationship or problems in their lives.  I look at it as a challenge simply because you cannot put a price on great fathers.  A great father will stop at nothing to insure that their children does not go without.  It's so important that we as proud fathers do all we can to be there for our children, and it's just as important that us black fathers break the stigma of black fathers that are not there for their children.  Every new father to be I cross I try to let them know that it is up to them to break the stigma of dead beat dads and to be a positive influence on their children.  Our society won't change until positive men teach children to be positive people.  For Example if your son sees you being lazy and cheating on women then more than likely he will grow up to be the same way, or if your daughter sees it she will probably grow up not respecting herself as much.  As a father in this era we hold so much responsibility to keep our children from running astray, especially with TV playing such a pivotal role in most peoples children's lives. Black men are beginning to do better however. Besides myself I have four other close black male friends that are doing an outstanding job being fathers. Each of them do it in their own unique way but are all effective in teaching their children right from wrong. Most people reading this post know of one good black father. He could be your own father, a son, a brother, an uncle, a neighbor, or a co worker. Spread the word about these good black fathers. These are men who don't run the streets, but who get down and dirty changing diapers, preparing meals, picking kids up from daycare, helping with homework, giving baths, taking pressure off of mommy. They're not looking for a pat on the back, they're just doing what they are supposed to do. Next time, before you utter the words "black men are no good" add "except Nick or Bobby or Nathan or Larry or Quan - he's a good dad." It will go along way to change the stigma that there aren't any good black fathers around.

So if you are a father and your feeling like you can't handle it, remember that it's easy to give up and anybody can do it.  However the strong men, the real men hang in there to make sure that their children grow up with a strong male figure in their lives.

Dealing with Failure

Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.  ~Henry Ford

As imperfect people we are going to have to deal with failure throughout life, but how we come back from failure is what will ultimately define us. First, lets remember that failure is not always a bad thing. People tend to link failure with weakness, stupidity, and dumbness. I completely disagree with that. I believe that if you fail at something it doesn't mean you are failure, it just means you have yet to succeed at what you are trying to do. You could just be a few steps away from accomplishing your goal. Sometimes you need to fail once to know how to do it right the next time you attempt it. Changing the perception of failure makes a difference in how you recover from it. Take the great Michael Jordan for example. Michael is known as perhaps the greatest basketball of all time, a phenomenal athlete with a unique combination of grace, speed, power, and a fierce competitive nature. As a sophomore in high school  Jordan tried out for the varsity basketball team and was told he was too short to make the team and was cut. Instead of sulking Jordan took this setback as motivation and he starred for the Junior Varsity team. The following summer after training hard and growing four inches Jordan made the Varsity team at his high school and the rest is history. There are so many stories similar to this throughout history where someone famous had to fail sometimes numerous times before they eventually succeeded. Thomas Edison is best known for inventing the light bulb. But you would probably be shocked to know that he tried over 9,000 experiments before he created the first successful light bulb.

Here at Dajs Daily we feel it's important to promote growth, and sometimes without failure there is no growth.  As we explained there are so many people that have made it big that had to fail in order to understand what they needed to do to be successful.  It's always important to know that everything you do will not work perfectly and we have to keep in mind that failure doesn't mean that you still can't achieve your goals.  Most of the time when we fail we are creating a new experience and strengthening our minds on how to achieve our goals in different ways, it may be hard to rebound from failing but the key is to know that at some point you will reach your goal.  As parents we have to let our children know that it's OK to fail sometimes and that the more you fail the more you will succeed in the future.  We don't want to seem like we are promoting failure, we mostly want to promote growth so that people understand that you can always be better than you were the day before whether you have achieved you goal or not.

Keep in touch

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.  ~Marcel Proust

One of the most important things in life is spending time with family and friends.  Some of us don't take the time to reach out and speak to those who we don't see very often.  I for one am guilty of this myself.  I feel that we as people need to keep in touch with family, friends, and those that mean a lot to us.  It's funny how a few of us will meet a girl or guy and call them all the time and you barely know them, when there are relatives that we don't even keep in touch with barely at all.  Why do we feel that 20 minutes of our time to speak with someone we call family could be a waste of time?  We should always remember that even though it may not be important to you, but it may mean the world to someone else that you reach out and communicate with them.  Take the time to pick up the phone, or maybe even write a letter to your grandmother who you haven't spoke with, or maybe even that auntie that you wish you could have had a better relationship with.  We all have someone who we wish we had a better relationship with or someone we wish we spoke to more often.  The reason we should all take that time to keep in touch with the people we don't always have time to speak of is because we never want to feel like we didn't have time with those individuals when they are gone.  Too often we lose people in our lives and look back on it and say to ourselves " I should have spent more time" or "I should have talked to them more often."  Lets try to do the best we can to show our loved ones that we care and want to be apart of their lives more. 

So when you think to yourself I haven't talked to this person or that person in a while pick up the phone and give them a call, there is probably a good chance they were thinking the same about you.  I found when taking time out of your day to contact a loved one that you don't always get the time to talk to makes you feel good, you feel as if you have accomplished something.  Bottom line is keep family and friends as one of your priorities in life, we can never have enough people that love us and we should never lose contact with those people because family is all you have in the end.

Fatherless Homes

Father Absence = Community Chaos Daniel Patrick Moynihan, a four-term U.S. Senator, had some very provocative thoughts when it came to fatherhood:  “From the wild Irish slums of the 19th century Eastern seaboard to the riot-torn suburbs of Los Angeles, there is one unmistakable lesson in American history: a community that allows a large number of young men to grow up in broken families ... never acquiring any stable relationship to male authority, never acquiring any set of rational expectations about the future – that community asks for and gets chaos.”
Those are indeed some strong words to say that men growing up without fathers causes chaos. I spoke with some young men that grow up without fathers and drew from my own experience and found out that there is some truth to this premise that men growing up without male authority tend to act out more frequently than those who do grow up with a father in the home. One young man I spoke with said that he had to learn how to be a man from the guys on the street corners cause he didn't have anybody at home to learn from. I myself had trouble with authority as I became a man believing that old adage "nobody could tell me nothing" because I was a man now. It's a fact that 85% of the youths in prisons are from fatherless homes. 90% of all the runways are from fatherless homes. I can go on and on with the statistics on high school dropouts and so fourth all because men in this country are not doing whats right by their own children.
It doesn't just mean physically being in the home is enough. Fathers need to step up and actually parent. Stats show that simply having a father does kids no good if that father shows them little to no attention at all and does not physically insert themselves in their child's life. We all know divorce and other tragedies are a huge part of life these days, but we urge all fathers that are able to please be a part of your kids life as much as you can and do your part to prevent chaos.

Adapting to change

“Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.”  W. Clement Stone

I always believed that Southern California and Northern California should be cut in half and made to be 2 states, and the reason for that is because we are so different.  In So. Cal they are made to be glamorous and flashy and here in No. Cal we are a little more laid back and reserve.  I just recently spent several days in So. Cal partying and hanging with some of the most down to earth people you could meet.  Some of the people migrated from No. Cal and some was raised right there in the O.C(Orange County).  I found when hanging with them that they weren't too much different then me or my closes friends here in No. Cal. One of the biggest differences in between the 2 of us is our demeanor.  While down there I tried to explain to one of my younger cousins that it's important that he understands how to adapt to his environment while living out there.  I tried to explain to him that when you give people a chance to stereotype you, because when you do your putting a label on yourself.  Out there it is so easy for someone to look at you as the average black man when you carry yourself in such a manner.  Is it the lack of integrity that allows some people not to consider the how other people perceive you?  In some cases caring how we are perceived is very important especially in our environments.  I wanted him to understand the differences in adapting to So.Cal life as opposed to No. Cal life.  Its important that we understand that as black people a majority of the time we will need to earn respect from the opposite cultures and that's mostly because of our fellow African American people that behave the way they do. 

Although we are different in the way we behave and go about our daily lives California is California, if you can adjust and adapt to your environments its possible to be accepted in any part.  Lets try to influence more people to understand that you won't be accepted automatically anywhere if you carry yourself in a manner that is not suitable for you environment.  So after leaving and coming back home to the Bay Area I understand that it's not all about us being different but adapting to the things that we can't change to make our situations better.

Encouragement

What is the best thing a wife can do for her husband? Believe it or not the answer has nothing to do with sex, contrary to popular belief the greatest need for a man is not sex. The greatest gift a wife can give to her husband is encouragement. Men want to be encouraged in their homes. I can't put my finger on the reason why but for a lot of wives this is a difficult subject for them. Some wives believe that their husbands get encouraged at work and that's enough. But husbands really want to be encouraged at home. Im here to tell you one of the main reasons why guys go out and find joy away from home is the lack of encouragement they are feeling from their spouse. Leaving a note for your husband on the mirror while he is in the shower can really be the catalyst for him to have an outstanding day. When a man feels encouraged and loved that makes him feel like he can do anything, take on any challenge and be successful.
This also works both ways as husbands need to encourage their wives as well. Women receive encouragement from words of praise, receiving gifts, helping out around the house, and just being able to spend time with their husband. It should be a goal as a man to do something encouraging for their significant other each day. Author Jack Hayford wrote, “I can always tell when a woman is loved by her husband because she gets more beautiful as she ages.” Isn't that a great thought, that your wives beauty can be enhanced simply from having a loving husband.
These acts of encouragement do not need to be elaborate or over the top. Simple gestures to show your appreciation for each other go a long way to strengthen the marriage arrangement. Start off today with a loving gesture and continue that trend tomorrow and the next day and watch the love in your marriage grow.