Developing Strong Households

 

 

 One thing I always find ironic is how Women say that there are no good Men out there, but they continue to invest in Men that continually disappoint them knowing that the criteria they are looking for has continued to disappoint them.  At what point does a woman or man start to look for different criteria in partners they are interviewing to be the next one.  With that being said there are a lot of Women out there that have sons and continue to look for the wrong type of Men.  Shouldn't one of those criteria's be finding a Man that your son could look up to as a good role model?  Typically strong male role models make it easier to build Manhood; mothers usually cannot do it alone.  A single mother truly believing that she can raise a boy to be a man without any mishaps is as misguided as a man thinking that he can teach his daughters the subtleties of womanhood.  It's important that Mothers realize that they are the first teachers and the most influential person in the life of nearly any child not just boys.  As parents we need to understand that we are shaping the leadership of future households.  It is up to us to raise Men that will eventually become bread winners and Fathers that will have to eventually teach another boy to be a man.  We are shaping little girls to understand how to grow up and carry herself as a strong woman and how not to fall for any Man that says something she likes. To be strong and influential to other little girls that need positive female role models.



 Dr. Boyce Watkins a Professor of Finance at Syracuse University is quotes saying "If we build weak men then we will have weak families."  What Dr. Watkins is saying makes a lot of sense.  How can we expect to have great men in the world when the average man was never raised to be a Leader, or Accountable, or to be humble.  He goes on to mention how a lot of the mothers raising these Men are holding their sons back from growing into Men by supporting and encouraging their bad habits.  Things such as allowing your son to make excuses for why they are once again fired from their job.  How if he gets in trouble at school it is some how the teachers fault or he is being picked on solely because of the color of his skin.  Also explain how allowing your son to be lazy does not promote healthy growth.  Washing his clothes, not making him do any chores, let them stay in the house with no job while he plays X-Box all day and lay around in his drawls waiting on his rap career to take off.  As Mothers coddling your sons does not prepare them for the real world.  It does not prepare them to become leaders in society and allowing that same boy to grow up and try to raise another boy into a man could be disastrous. 



As strong Mothers raising boys it's always important to remember to allow your son to be accountable for his actions.  Not telling your son he is wrong for dating multiple women and being a "Playa" in sorts is should not be stood for especially if yourself understand what it is like to be that other woman.  Buying your kids the most expensive gift possible without enforcing the fact that they must earn or work for it does not help either.  This only allows him to believe that he could be rewarded for doing the bare minimum and it does not promote growth in the future.  It does not show him that hard work pays off and you can get anything you strive for.  I think one of the biggest issues that is over looked is the ability to teach your child the importance of managing their money such as Saving, Investing or just being a good provider.  By providing good knowledge of these things to our children when they are kids will help them understand the value of hard work at an older age.




This is not meant to be aimed at only Mothers but any parent raising a Boy into a Man. 



Let's all make it a conscious effort to promote leadership in our children so that they grow up to be outstanding people who can shape the futures of others and promote growth where they see it need be.  Remember it starts with us parents.

Growing up in America

Here at DAJS Daily we try to stay as positive and as motivational as possible.  So speaking on the Trayvon Martin case can be a little tricky trying to stay positive and get a clear point across without dwelling on the race card too much.  So with that being said I want to address this from a parenting point of view.

After hearing the verdict of the case, I cannot lie I was disappointed to say the least.  I understood how George Zimmerman could be Acquitted of the crime but I didn't agree.  Part of the reason was because I didn't understand how anyone whether they are White, Black, Hispanic, Asian, or any other race could be walking home minding there own business and be confronted and killed.  I immediately put myself in Trayvon Martin's fathers shoes since I too am raising a young black boy to become a young black man.  Part of my struggle was to understand when my son turns 17 years old and he wants to go to the store for any reason, How will I feel about that?  It's hard to say no to a boy that is a year away from becoming a man that he cannot do something as simple as walk the corner store for any reason.  It's very disheartening when you realize that as much as we want to move our kids from the poverty stricken neighborhoods we have to also worry about moving our kids to a neighborhood where they could be labeled not by their character, but by the color of their skin.  How do I tell my son that the same people that are paid to protect you could also be against you if you need their help?  So when thinking about raising my son I have to break his innocence at an early age to let him know that not everyone is good and not everyone knows you are a good kid.  As parents raising minority children we have to be careful how we go about preparing our children for the real world.  It's important that they understand that in the real world there are people that can care less if you are a Honor student, Athlete, Cheerleader, Musician, or even a Parent.  Some people will dislike you just because of the way you look or the way you are perceived in their eyes.  It's really unfair that we have to teach our children these sorts of things at such an early age, but these days it is so necessary.

It's funny because in a way this has probably helped a lot of parents in certain ways.  Now more parents realize they need to speak to their children about real life issues.  More parents should be preparing their children how to deal with the world and not just how to count money, play sports, or teach them how to dress nice.  Our world will only become a better place if we groom our children how to be great people when they are older.  How not to judge someone on how they look but on what you know about a person.  Our children have to realize that not even freedom is free and that you must carry yourself in a manner that is suitable for all walks of life.  I will say that this situation has opened my eyes to exactly how far we have come as a country and how far we still must go.  The race situation will always be around and simply because we all are different colors, we will always be judged on that.  Race is the prism in which people view other people through and until we realize that and start accepting people not by the color of their skin but by who they are we will never grow as people.  We implore our readers with children to make sure you have conversations with your children on issues such as the Trayvon Martin case or even the Oscar Grant case, just so that they are aware that perception is all most people will use to judge them.

Sports Unites Us All

Throughout our lives we meet a great variety of people and we are often forced to work together with people to achieve a common goal. No matter how independent we may be in our studies, classes often require lab partners or group projects, so that we can learn to work within a unit. Later on in the real world, work will often require collaborations and groups to get projects completed. 
Sports brings people together in a similar way. Whether it be professional, or casual, sports is a great unifying factor between people. The team building you find in sports is different than what can be seen in other areas of life. In sports, the players on a team do not just cooperate because they have to-they work together because they want to. These athletes become connected on a higher level, to the point where teammates trust each other at an extreme level.
 That is one of the reasons that many friends and co workers come together to play intramural sports. Of course the fun and enjoyment you take away from playing the sport, but it also the ability to interact with colleagues and acquaintances on a higher level that separates these activities from the pack. When else would you depend on your friend to be there for you to make a put-back at the end of regulation to tie the game? How about depending on your friend to give you the perfect pass, so that you can catch the go ahead touchdown? There are many in-game situations that you would never experience with friends that allow you to get to know them that much better and be able to see who they truly are.
This is a valuable tool for kids to learn early in life. Learning how to work well with people from different cultures and backgrounds will serve them well in life. Sports in reality is about the connections that are made between those who play the game. They play to have fun with their teammates, and build a level of trust and friendship beyond anything life can give them otherwise. There is a saying in sports that goes "If you can play, you can play", no matter what your ethnic or economic background may be. Sports allows us to get past our silly hangups and just focus on doing the best we can and coming together as one.

A Positive Change

Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'
Martin Luther King, Jr.

There is always a new resolution when starting the new year, whether it's Exercise More, Eating Better, or Making plans to do more with your family.  Make sure whatever your yearly change is that you make the best of it.  As people we need to be a little more creative when coming up with our yearly resolutions.  Let's try to do things like help less fortunate people, start positive organizations to influence better living, and maybe become a big brother or big sister.  Everyday we need to make changes in our lives to help bring about a better place for the youth to come.  Sometimes it starts with changing yourself to be a better person before you can influence positivity on the world.  We always seem to consider making changes in ourselves for the new year, but never really think about what we can do to help spark change in someone else's life for the new year.  It's important to realize what will help spark change in our communities and feed that, because without change in our community how will our youth have a chance.  There is so much negative influence out there for our children to witness it is kind of sad.  There are not many after school programs to influence change, the leadership in our communities is lacking as well.  In January we celebrate one of the most influential leaders of any generation Dr. Martin Luther King.  Dr. King's dream was that all cultures and would get along despite all of the negativity in the world he wanted this world to change so he did all he could to help it do so.  It seems like although part of his dream has come true that little black boys and little white boys could pay together without any negative feedback there is still a hint of racism still brewing in our communities.  After 50+ years there has been some change, but it shouldn't end with Dr. King we should all do our part in making sure that life as we know it gets better.  I believe the only way to really get that done is to influence the upcoming generations of children, we have to feed their mind with positivity that cannot be broken.  If we can teach an individual at the age of 4 to play the drums then we should be able to get through to a 10 year old on what's right and what's wrong.  So when you thing of making your change in this new year, be sure to think about those who really need change and help them.

Parenting

As parents do you ever feel unappreciated in your family? If so this usually means you have forgotten a fundamental rule when it comes to being successful in family relationships. If you ever feel under appreciated in your family this blog is exactly for you. Here is a story that Im sure we all can relate too, something I heard from a father recently. 

I’d had about as much as I could handle for one day.
My computer was acting up, I was tired from a weekend with little sleep, and I was working in a yard that would soon need an industrial strength lawn mower  to cut it. Kids activities were crowding an already crowded schedule, and there seemed like no time to relax. When do other people find the time to do all these things?
As I entered my house, I marveled at how sore a human body could get from yard work. I was still annoyed that my kids had left stuff in the backyard after repeated requests to pick them up. I’d been noticing that the rest of my family had done their share of relaxing while I toiled in the yard. I needed about a month to get caught up, and I was not ready for any more to be put on my plate. At that very moment of course is when I am asked to help with dinner or do the dishes just as I would love to relax. In my head I had an angry response about why I couldn't help and didn't feel like helping. But, I decided that wouldn't really make things better and I discussed with the wife how I could help with dinner. I was thinking to myself how unappreciated I am and how nobody notices the hard work I put in doing laundry, dishes, helping the kids with homework, in addition to teaching my son how to throw a fastball, etc etc. The thing that this person is missing is the fact that we are not "owed" love by our family. Our job as parents is to discover love as the fundamental fact of life. It is to bring this expression of our love into the world. Fathers go through periods when they feel “outside” of their family. We feel neglected, or we feel invisible. Or, we may feel like we’re simply a “paycheck.” That is when we have to re double our efforts to show our endless love for our family.
When you begin to feel like you are being taken for granted  you should be proud of that. It is like a badge of honor to know that your family expects the best from you and they get that day in and day out. It's so easy to overlook the fact that you are loved unconditionally by your family when you feel like you are being unappreciated, but the fact is by knowing that people are not meaning to take advantage of you in that way should help you realize that sometimes it's easy to forget how much someone tries to keep you happy.  It's always important to communicate with others especially if you feel unappreciated, tell them how you feel, tell them what they can do to help ease your feelings of being unappreciated, but most of all tell them why you make the sacrifices for them so that they understand why you put the effort in that you do.
When providing for others you should always take some time out for yourself to keep your mind at ease. Go to the gym, play sports, or just take the time to relax on the weekend, when providing for your family you deserve a little R&R!

The Game of Life

“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be”

-Marcel Pagnol


Sometimes life can't get so difficult that you feel as if it's going to destroy you.  For some of us it's hard for us to keep pushing and smiling through adversity all the time.  It's important that we always remember that things come and go and bad times will do the same, it's up to you to fight your way through it.  We've all been through hard times that we just didn't know if we could make it, but those times passed and you have become a stronger person because of that.  We would all like everyday to go perfectly, but that's not how life goes.  When going through bad times I try to keep a positive mindset, although it may be hard there are a few things that I think about when trying to keep positive and push through my hard times.  First I understand that life happens and bad times will come, I'm not the only person who has been down on their luck and I won't be the last.  I also feel as if I have a lot of time on this earth to go, and this will not be the only time that life gets me down.  We have to understand as people that life isn't made to be easy, if it was everyone would always be happy.  Forest Gump quoted "Life was like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get" although it was only a movie this statement makes sense.  We never know as people what life will serve us on a day to day basis the only thing we can do is learn from our mistakes, apply it to the next day, and try to maintain happiness.  There are always things we could do better and ways we can improve on our everyday lives, it's up to you to figure out what those are.  Take time to realize what you are working toward in life so that you know what path you are walking.  So many people feel as if the path will be shown to you, but I feel as if you will never see that path unless you clear out all of the weeds of negativity that blocks that path.  As people we need to remember that life will never be easy, only managable that's why you have to work at it to get the most out of it as you can.  It's important that we let our children know that they should expect life to be hard sometimes, but it's how they go about living it that will define who they are.
Let's stay motivated to better ourselves and keep life as simple as it could be, because we know that it will never get easier.

Hope!

Hope is the belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. It is a feeling of what is wanted can be had or that things will turn out for the best. Growing up I always set reasonable goals, with the hope of accomplishing those goals. Hope is what kept me going, even when I wasn't sure what the outcome would be. When you don't know what will happen, when things seem to be off course, its that hope that will sustain you and allow you to keep pushing forward. Many individuals that face hardships and get discouraged fall back on hope to get them through the most difficult of times. People that fight serious illness, depression, or constant failures continue to cling to hope. That hope can dictate how we act, how we view things, and how we treat others. In Christian theology, hope is one of the three main virtues, which are spiritual gifts from God. God instructs us to always have hope and safeguard our minds from negative thinking.
Hope is uplifting, strengthening, positive, and faith restoring. Without hope people can go downhill very quickly. For example if two people are in a boat lost at sea, and one of them is hopeful of a rescue and the other is not, which one is most likely to survive? That's right the person that remains hopeful will look at doing what he can to survive until they are rescued. While the other will be looking to end this ordeal as quickly as possible with or without a rescue. We need to be the person that is hopeful in all situations. Our behavior will reflect our hopeful and positive attitude.

Staying close to your son

"Daddy how do you know so much?" Has your boy ever taken you by surprise with such a question? At, the time you probably felt so proud to be a father. These times when they are young and look at you with so much admiration is really the most ideal time to build that lasting close relationship with your son. Over the years probably no fault of your own your son's regard for you can begin to shrink. How can we stay close to our sons as he develops into a man?
As fathers we have some unique challenges that inhibit our ability to stay close to our sons. The first thing is lack of time. Fathers are expected to earn most of the income for the family. Often, their job requires that they be away from the home for most of the day. In some places, fathers spend very little time with their children. A recent survey in France, for example, found that fathers spend on average less than 12 minutes a day caring for their children. How can you expect to build a bond with your son spending less than 12 minutes a day caring for him? Time is essential to staying close with your son. Take the time to ask him about his day. Ask him followup questions so that he elaborate on certain events of the day. It may be a good idea to write down how much time a day you are spending with your son, you may be amazed at the results.
Another limitation of fathers is the lack of a good example. Some men have very little to do with their own father. The lack of affection and love from our own fathers causes us to have difficulty showing that love and affection for our sons. It is essential that we do not follow the bad examples that have been set before us. Make sure we remember the feelings we had not having a father and make sure your son does not experience those feelings of loneliness and despair caused by our lack of fathers.
As men we need to realize all of the flaws we have in ourselves and be sure not to let that carry over to our sons.  Most boys want to be like their fathers when they grow up in every way, so they will tend to follow suit on a lot of the things we do.  We need to make sure that our sons gain all of our strengths, but none of our weaknesses.  So many men today feel like, as long as their sons have a strong mother they will be ok.  That is not the case in any way, you would be surprised how a boy can develop the tendencies of their fathers without even being around them very much.  Staying close to your son is not an easy thing to do especially as they grow, but its important to find something that you and your son can do together to help tighten your bond and encourage their development into young men.

Good Samaritan

It has happened to all of us at one point or another. Were sitting in the office, going to the store, or walking the dog and then it happens someone gets mugged, a purse snatched, or someone is physically assaulted. In a split second we are drawn into a trauma that is not expected and means very little to us personally. At that time adrenaline kicks in and our bodies are flooded with messages trying to decide if we should get involved. Do we stand by or even leave the scene, or do we get involved and save this person from more harm?
Too often in our society we look the other way rather than helping our fellow man, woman or child. The horrific events that have taken place at Penn State University should serve as warning to all of us of the dangers of turning our back on someone in need. For those not familiar with the story, the defensive coordinator for the Penn State football team was showering with a ten year old boy on the Penn state campus and when he was seen violating this little boy by another employee of the football team that employee allegedly decided to leave and go home for the evening without attempting to interfere on this innocent young boy's behalf. How can a person witness something so heinous and not attempt to help the child? No doubt this person had to have a moment where he thought he should do something instead he didn't listen to his conscience and walked away. This crime was witnessed in 2002 and it was not reported to the police, instead this guy felt that his only obligation was to report this to his superior, who happens to be the perpetrators good friend. I am sickened by the lack of compassion for this child. How could anyone just wash their hands of their responsibility as a human being to report this directly to the police and have this monster arrested? I am just beyond myself trying to figure out why anyone would allow this to go on. Since this incident in 2002 as many as six other kids have come forward with allegations against this same former football coach. How sad is it that all these other victims could have been spared if one person would have had the fortitude to stand up when he witnessed this horrific act taking place.
I hope all of us can use this as an example of how not to react when someone especially a child is in grave danger. Even if it doesn't involve us directly there are times when we as humans have to put our fear aside and do the right thing. Let your conscience be your guide and hopefully it won't steer you wrong.

Your Child's First Teacher

Children learn a lot from going to school and getting a formal education. But they are also educated by identifying with and imitating their parents. Dr. Benjamin Spock a renowned expert on children and family development called this "incidental learning". Dr. Spock thought that children develop the basic survival tools they need long before they enter the world of formal schooling. I would agree totally with this assumption. As studies show kids do the most learning between the ages of zero and five that's when they are able to absorb an awful lot of information and be able to retain it. Incidental learning takes place throughout a child's life, but a child's first teachers are his parents, and they are his most profound inspiration. Children will attempt to imitate everything that their parents do. The way you talk, walk, and even dress is all being studied closely by your children. Incidental learning at home also influences how a child will perform in school. The best way to instill a love of books in children is to read to them and for them to see their parents enjoying books. Father's, we need to make sure we are a model for what we want our daughter's to look for in a man. A daughter's father shapes the way she views men and the way she feels men should treat her. Make sure we are showing the proper respect for their mother as well as other women we come in contact with so that our daughter's know they deserve and will demand respect from any man they choose to date.
Make sure to treat others as you would like to be treated. Each time you loose your temper or over react to a situation you have a very impressionable child soaking up those behaviors from you. Be the example that you want your child to be through your own positive thoughts and feelings. 
If you want your child's incidental learning to be as beneficial as possible, you should demonstrate whenever possible the type of qualities that you want your child to imitate. Being courteous, loving, adventurous, kind, and an all around good person will inspire our kids to want to do those same things and exhibit these excellent qualities.