A Positive Change

Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'
Martin Luther King, Jr.

There is always a new resolution when starting the new year, whether it's Exercise More, Eating Better, or Making plans to do more with your family.  Make sure whatever your yearly change is that you make the best of it.  As people we need to be a little more creative when coming up with our yearly resolutions.  Let's try to do things like help less fortunate people, start positive organizations to influence better living, and maybe become a big brother or big sister.  Everyday we need to make changes in our lives to help bring about a better place for the youth to come.  Sometimes it starts with changing yourself to be a better person before you can influence positivity on the world.  We always seem to consider making changes in ourselves for the new year, but never really think about what we can do to help spark change in someone else's life for the new year.  It's important to realize what will help spark change in our communities and feed that, because without change in our community how will our youth have a chance.  There is so much negative influence out there for our children to witness it is kind of sad.  There are not many after school programs to influence change, the leadership in our communities is lacking as well.  In January we celebrate one of the most influential leaders of any generation Dr. Martin Luther King.  Dr. King's dream was that all cultures and would get along despite all of the negativity in the world he wanted this world to change so he did all he could to help it do so.  It seems like although part of his dream has come true that little black boys and little white boys could pay together without any negative feedback there is still a hint of racism still brewing in our communities.  After 50+ years there has been some change, but it shouldn't end with Dr. King we should all do our part in making sure that life as we know it gets better.  I believe the only way to really get that done is to influence the upcoming generations of children, we have to feed their mind with positivity that cannot be broken.  If we can teach an individual at the age of 4 to play the drums then we should be able to get through to a 10 year old on what's right and what's wrong.  So when you thing of making your change in this new year, be sure to think about those who really need change and help them.

Parenting

As parents do you ever feel unappreciated in your family? If so this usually means you have forgotten a fundamental rule when it comes to being successful in family relationships. If you ever feel under appreciated in your family this blog is exactly for you. Here is a story that Im sure we all can relate too, something I heard from a father recently. 

I’d had about as much as I could handle for one day.
My computer was acting up, I was tired from a weekend with little sleep, and I was working in a yard that would soon need an industrial strength lawn mower  to cut it. Kids activities were crowding an already crowded schedule, and there seemed like no time to relax. When do other people find the time to do all these things?
As I entered my house, I marveled at how sore a human body could get from yard work. I was still annoyed that my kids had left stuff in the backyard after repeated requests to pick them up. I’d been noticing that the rest of my family had done their share of relaxing while I toiled in the yard. I needed about a month to get caught up, and I was not ready for any more to be put on my plate. At that very moment of course is when I am asked to help with dinner or do the dishes just as I would love to relax. In my head I had an angry response about why I couldn't help and didn't feel like helping. But, I decided that wouldn't really make things better and I discussed with the wife how I could help with dinner. I was thinking to myself how unappreciated I am and how nobody notices the hard work I put in doing laundry, dishes, helping the kids with homework, in addition to teaching my son how to throw a fastball, etc etc. The thing that this person is missing is the fact that we are not "owed" love by our family. Our job as parents is to discover love as the fundamental fact of life. It is to bring this expression of our love into the world. Fathers go through periods when they feel “outside” of their family. We feel neglected, or we feel invisible. Or, we may feel like we’re simply a “paycheck.” That is when we have to re double our efforts to show our endless love for our family.
When you begin to feel like you are being taken for granted  you should be proud of that. It is like a badge of honor to know that your family expects the best from you and they get that day in and day out. It's so easy to overlook the fact that you are loved unconditionally by your family when you feel like you are being unappreciated, but the fact is by knowing that people are not meaning to take advantage of you in that way should help you realize that sometimes it's easy to forget how much someone tries to keep you happy.  It's always important to communicate with others especially if you feel unappreciated, tell them how you feel, tell them what they can do to help ease your feelings of being unappreciated, but most of all tell them why you make the sacrifices for them so that they understand why you put the effort in that you do.
When providing for others you should always take some time out for yourself to keep your mind at ease. Go to the gym, play sports, or just take the time to relax on the weekend, when providing for your family you deserve a little R&R!

The Game of Life

“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be”

-Marcel Pagnol


Sometimes life can't get so difficult that you feel as if it's going to destroy you.  For some of us it's hard for us to keep pushing and smiling through adversity all the time.  It's important that we always remember that things come and go and bad times will do the same, it's up to you to fight your way through it.  We've all been through hard times that we just didn't know if we could make it, but those times passed and you have become a stronger person because of that.  We would all like everyday to go perfectly, but that's not how life goes.  When going through bad times I try to keep a positive mindset, although it may be hard there are a few things that I think about when trying to keep positive and push through my hard times.  First I understand that life happens and bad times will come, I'm not the only person who has been down on their luck and I won't be the last.  I also feel as if I have a lot of time on this earth to go, and this will not be the only time that life gets me down.  We have to understand as people that life isn't made to be easy, if it was everyone would always be happy.  Forest Gump quoted "Life was like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get" although it was only a movie this statement makes sense.  We never know as people what life will serve us on a day to day basis the only thing we can do is learn from our mistakes, apply it to the next day, and try to maintain happiness.  There are always things we could do better and ways we can improve on our everyday lives, it's up to you to figure out what those are.  Take time to realize what you are working toward in life so that you know what path you are walking.  So many people feel as if the path will be shown to you, but I feel as if you will never see that path unless you clear out all of the weeds of negativity that blocks that path.  As people we need to remember that life will never be easy, only managable that's why you have to work at it to get the most out of it as you can.  It's important that we let our children know that they should expect life to be hard sometimes, but it's how they go about living it that will define who they are.
Let's stay motivated to better ourselves and keep life as simple as it could be, because we know that it will never get easier.

Hope!

Hope is the belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. It is a feeling of what is wanted can be had or that things will turn out for the best. Growing up I always set reasonable goals, with the hope of accomplishing those goals. Hope is what kept me going, even when I wasn't sure what the outcome would be. When you don't know what will happen, when things seem to be off course, its that hope that will sustain you and allow you to keep pushing forward. Many individuals that face hardships and get discouraged fall back on hope to get them through the most difficult of times. People that fight serious illness, depression, or constant failures continue to cling to hope. That hope can dictate how we act, how we view things, and how we treat others. In Christian theology, hope is one of the three main virtues, which are spiritual gifts from God. God instructs us to always have hope and safeguard our minds from negative thinking.
Hope is uplifting, strengthening, positive, and faith restoring. Without hope people can go downhill very quickly. For example if two people are in a boat lost at sea, and one of them is hopeful of a rescue and the other is not, which one is most likely to survive? That's right the person that remains hopeful will look at doing what he can to survive until they are rescued. While the other will be looking to end this ordeal as quickly as possible with or without a rescue. We need to be the person that is hopeful in all situations. Our behavior will reflect our hopeful and positive attitude.

Staying close to your son

"Daddy how do you know so much?" Has your boy ever taken you by surprise with such a question? At, the time you probably felt so proud to be a father. These times when they are young and look at you with so much admiration is really the most ideal time to build that lasting close relationship with your son. Over the years probably no fault of your own your son's regard for you can begin to shrink. How can we stay close to our sons as he develops into a man?
As fathers we have some unique challenges that inhibit our ability to stay close to our sons. The first thing is lack of time. Fathers are expected to earn most of the income for the family. Often, their job requires that they be away from the home for most of the day. In some places, fathers spend very little time with their children. A recent survey in France, for example, found that fathers spend on average less than 12 minutes a day caring for their children. How can you expect to build a bond with your son spending less than 12 minutes a day caring for him? Time is essential to staying close with your son. Take the time to ask him about his day. Ask him followup questions so that he elaborate on certain events of the day. It may be a good idea to write down how much time a day you are spending with your son, you may be amazed at the results.
Another limitation of fathers is the lack of a good example. Some men have very little to do with their own father. The lack of affection and love from our own fathers causes us to have difficulty showing that love and affection for our sons. It is essential that we do not follow the bad examples that have been set before us. Make sure we remember the feelings we had not having a father and make sure your son does not experience those feelings of loneliness and despair caused by our lack of fathers.
As men we need to realize all of the flaws we have in ourselves and be sure not to let that carry over to our sons.  Most boys want to be like their fathers when they grow up in every way, so they will tend to follow suit on a lot of the things we do.  We need to make sure that our sons gain all of our strengths, but none of our weaknesses.  So many men today feel like, as long as their sons have a strong mother they will be ok.  That is not the case in any way, you would be surprised how a boy can develop the tendencies of their fathers without even being around them very much.  Staying close to your son is not an easy thing to do especially as they grow, but its important to find something that you and your son can do together to help tighten your bond and encourage their development into young men.

Good Samaritan

It has happened to all of us at one point or another. Were sitting in the office, going to the store, or walking the dog and then it happens someone gets mugged, a purse snatched, or someone is physically assaulted. In a split second we are drawn into a trauma that is not expected and means very little to us personally. At that time adrenaline kicks in and our bodies are flooded with messages trying to decide if we should get involved. Do we stand by or even leave the scene, or do we get involved and save this person from more harm?
Too often in our society we look the other way rather than helping our fellow man, woman or child. The horrific events that have taken place at Penn State University should serve as warning to all of us of the dangers of turning our back on someone in need. For those not familiar with the story, the defensive coordinator for the Penn State football team was showering with a ten year old boy on the Penn state campus and when he was seen violating this little boy by another employee of the football team that employee allegedly decided to leave and go home for the evening without attempting to interfere on this innocent young boy's behalf. How can a person witness something so heinous and not attempt to help the child? No doubt this person had to have a moment where he thought he should do something instead he didn't listen to his conscience and walked away. This crime was witnessed in 2002 and it was not reported to the police, instead this guy felt that his only obligation was to report this to his superior, who happens to be the perpetrators good friend. I am sickened by the lack of compassion for this child. How could anyone just wash their hands of their responsibility as a human being to report this directly to the police and have this monster arrested? I am just beyond myself trying to figure out why anyone would allow this to go on. Since this incident in 2002 as many as six other kids have come forward with allegations against this same former football coach. How sad is it that all these other victims could have been spared if one person would have had the fortitude to stand up when he witnessed this horrific act taking place.
I hope all of us can use this as an example of how not to react when someone especially a child is in grave danger. Even if it doesn't involve us directly there are times when we as humans have to put our fear aside and do the right thing. Let your conscience be your guide and hopefully it won't steer you wrong.

Your Child's First Teacher

Children learn a lot from going to school and getting a formal education. But they are also educated by identifying with and imitating their parents. Dr. Benjamin Spock a renowned expert on children and family development called this "incidental learning". Dr. Spock thought that children develop the basic survival tools they need long before they enter the world of formal schooling. I would agree totally with this assumption. As studies show kids do the most learning between the ages of zero and five that's when they are able to absorb an awful lot of information and be able to retain it. Incidental learning takes place throughout a child's life, but a child's first teachers are his parents, and they are his most profound inspiration. Children will attempt to imitate everything that their parents do. The way you talk, walk, and even dress is all being studied closely by your children. Incidental learning at home also influences how a child will perform in school. The best way to instill a love of books in children is to read to them and for them to see their parents enjoying books. Father's, we need to make sure we are a model for what we want our daughter's to look for in a man. A daughter's father shapes the way she views men and the way she feels men should treat her. Make sure we are showing the proper respect for their mother as well as other women we come in contact with so that our daughter's know they deserve and will demand respect from any man they choose to date.
Make sure to treat others as you would like to be treated. Each time you loose your temper or over react to a situation you have a very impressionable child soaking up those behaviors from you. Be the example that you want your child to be through your own positive thoughts and feelings. 
If you want your child's incidental learning to be as beneficial as possible, you should demonstrate whenever possible the type of qualities that you want your child to imitate. Being courteous, loving, adventurous, kind, and an all around good person will inspire our kids to want to do those same things and exhibit these excellent qualities.

Lifes Decisions

One of the things that I told myself that I would always do is not regret any of the decisions that I make.  So that means that every thing that I do I have to learn from so that I can grow as a person.  There are so many people that make rash decisions and regret them later.  It's OK to regret bad decisions in the past, but it's how you grow from that which determines how you learned that lesson.  I was having a conversation with some people about how a lot of women tend to look for men that will take care of them and provide finer things in their lives.  So without any hesitation those women form relationships with those men and then in time have children with those men.  Blinded by monetary and shiny happiness they tend to overlook the fact that this man is not suited to be a father.  By the time they look around this man has left her high and dry taking care of a kid that she wasn't prepared to have.  On the woman side of this situation it's important that women understand who they lay with, you have to know that in the chance that the 2 of you have children will this man be here for his family.  Men have to think that way as well, ask yourself do you think this woman will make an adequate mother and teach your daughter how to be a outstanding woman.  As adults we need to do a better job of understanding what our consequences could be for the things that we do and take responsibility for them.  There are so many young children in the world that has no guidance due to the way their parents handle themselves before they got here.  If the parents have no clue how to respect themselves they will stand no chance in teaching their children to do the same.  We have to make sure that we are teaching our children how to go about conducting themselves in a manner that is acceptable to both their peers and the people that they one day will influence.  So it's always necessary for us as people realize that their is always consequences and things to be learned in life, it's how we go about shaping those decisions that helps become the best people.

Thanks for your support

We have been doing this blog for almost 9 months now and the feedback we have been receiving is awesome.  We appreciate everyone that has ever took the time to read our blog and leave comments.  We started off writing this blog to help inspire people to be better in their daily lives.  We wanted to help promote better fathers since that's what we strive to be.  Growing up without our fathers in our lives helped us understand the importance of being their for our children and teaching them to grow to be great human beings.  It's always been important for us to make an impact on peoples lives no matter how we could.  We understand that our blog is not geared towards everyone, but as long as we can have one person read our blog and say to themselves "That made a lot of sense" and apply it to their daily lives we feel like we accomplished something.  Our goal was to break the stereotype of the average black man and help other black men understand the importance of doing that as well.  To be a great person you have to be able to understand where you came from and where you are going, if you do not know those things you will fail at growing.  Promoting growth is one of the things we try to focus on the most, since growth is a part of everyone's lives no matter the age, color, or gender.  We went from blogging everyday to just a couple days a week in order to put out the best possible blogs we could.  Simply because we felt our blogs should be quality over quantity, so we apologize to the people who looked forward to reading everyday. As a result of your support we have continued to put out the best and most thought provoking content that we come across. We have not added any ads on our blog in an attempt to make sure our message does not get cluttered with any outside influences. We want the focus to strictly be on the quality of the information and nothing else.  We never want to come off as experts in the advice that we give, however a lot of the topics that we touch are always based off experience.  So this blog was just a way of saying Thank You to our faithful readers and that helping others motivates us to want to keep it up.  So if you keep reading we will keep putting out great advice and sound topics.

Believe in Yourself

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt

"Whether you think you can or think you can't, you are right" - Henry Ford

There may be days where you get up in the morning and things aren't the way you hoped they would be...there will be challenges to face and changes to make in life. That's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better. People will disappoint you, they may let you down in one way or another, but those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgments and to keep your life focused on believing in yourself and all that you are capable of.
We must remember that the only opinion that really matters to us is our own opinion. Put aside the opinions of others, do not allow anyone else's opinion to negatively affect your view of yourself. Speak up for yourself at work, at school. or at home. This will build confidence in your own voice and opinion. Do not be afraid to try new things. Sometimes a small accomplishment can go a long way to help build a strong sense of self worth, and can help you believe in yourself  the next time you are faced with a challenge or goal. Take on challenges with a positive attitude. Believe that you will be able to meet this challenge and make it through. Whatever goal you set for yourself believe that you will accomplish this goal and work hard towards the finish.  After accomplishing goals and meeting challenges you begin to feel really good about yourself. Your confidence rises and your belief in yourself grows.  Believing that you can do anything is what makes us as people so unique.  It seems a lot of the time we find ways not to believe in ourselves and what we are capable of becoming so we tend to not go for our goals.  We have to always remember even if you do not believe in yourself there is somebody that does.
We are all human and there will be times when we aren't able to accomplish a goal or meet a challenge. These are times where we must have that extra resolve to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and do better the next time. Whatever happens in life you must continue to believe in your abilities and strengths, stay positive, and things will more often than not turn out in your favor.