Dealing with Failure

Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.  ~Henry Ford

As imperfect people we are going to have to deal with failure throughout life, but how we come back from failure is what will ultimately define us. First, lets remember that failure is not always a bad thing. People tend to link failure with weakness, stupidity, and dumbness. I completely disagree with that. I believe that if you fail at something it doesn't mean you are failure, it just means you have yet to succeed at what you are trying to do. You could just be a few steps away from accomplishing your goal. Sometimes you need to fail once to know how to do it right the next time you attempt it. Changing the perception of failure makes a difference in how you recover from it. Take the great Michael Jordan for example. Michael is known as perhaps the greatest basketball of all time, a phenomenal athlete with a unique combination of grace, speed, power, and a fierce competitive nature. As a sophomore in high school  Jordan tried out for the varsity basketball team and was told he was too short to make the team and was cut. Instead of sulking Jordan took this setback as motivation and he starred for the Junior Varsity team. The following summer after training hard and growing four inches Jordan made the Varsity team at his high school and the rest is history. There are so many stories similar to this throughout history where someone famous had to fail sometimes numerous times before they eventually succeeded. Thomas Edison is best known for inventing the light bulb. But you would probably be shocked to know that he tried over 9,000 experiments before he created the first successful light bulb.

Here at Dajs Daily we feel it's important to promote growth, and sometimes without failure there is no growth.  As we explained there are so many people that have made it big that had to fail in order to understand what they needed to do to be successful.  It's always important to know that everything you do will not work perfectly and we have to keep in mind that failure doesn't mean that you still can't achieve your goals.  Most of the time when we fail we are creating a new experience and strengthening our minds on how to achieve our goals in different ways, it may be hard to rebound from failing but the key is to know that at some point you will reach your goal.  As parents we have to let our children know that it's OK to fail sometimes and that the more you fail the more you will succeed in the future.  We don't want to seem like we are promoting failure, we mostly want to promote growth so that people understand that you can always be better than you were the day before whether you have achieved you goal or not.

Keep in touch

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.  ~Marcel Proust

One of the most important things in life is spending time with family and friends.  Some of us don't take the time to reach out and speak to those who we don't see very often.  I for one am guilty of this myself.  I feel that we as people need to keep in touch with family, friends, and those that mean a lot to us.  It's funny how a few of us will meet a girl or guy and call them all the time and you barely know them, when there are relatives that we don't even keep in touch with barely at all.  Why do we feel that 20 minutes of our time to speak with someone we call family could be a waste of time?  We should always remember that even though it may not be important to you, but it may mean the world to someone else that you reach out and communicate with them.  Take the time to pick up the phone, or maybe even write a letter to your grandmother who you haven't spoke with, or maybe even that auntie that you wish you could have had a better relationship with.  We all have someone who we wish we had a better relationship with or someone we wish we spoke to more often.  The reason we should all take that time to keep in touch with the people we don't always have time to speak of is because we never want to feel like we didn't have time with those individuals when they are gone.  Too often we lose people in our lives and look back on it and say to ourselves " I should have spent more time" or "I should have talked to them more often."  Lets try to do the best we can to show our loved ones that we care and want to be apart of their lives more. 

So when you think to yourself I haven't talked to this person or that person in a while pick up the phone and give them a call, there is probably a good chance they were thinking the same about you.  I found when taking time out of your day to contact a loved one that you don't always get the time to talk to makes you feel good, you feel as if you have accomplished something.  Bottom line is keep family and friends as one of your priorities in life, we can never have enough people that love us and we should never lose contact with those people because family is all you have in the end.

Fatherless Homes

Father Absence = Community Chaos Daniel Patrick Moynihan, a four-term U.S. Senator, had some very provocative thoughts when it came to fatherhood:  “From the wild Irish slums of the 19th century Eastern seaboard to the riot-torn suburbs of Los Angeles, there is one unmistakable lesson in American history: a community that allows a large number of young men to grow up in broken families ... never acquiring any stable relationship to male authority, never acquiring any set of rational expectations about the future – that community asks for and gets chaos.”
Those are indeed some strong words to say that men growing up without fathers causes chaos. I spoke with some young men that grow up without fathers and drew from my own experience and found out that there is some truth to this premise that men growing up without male authority tend to act out more frequently than those who do grow up with a father in the home. One young man I spoke with said that he had to learn how to be a man from the guys on the street corners cause he didn't have anybody at home to learn from. I myself had trouble with authority as I became a man believing that old adage "nobody could tell me nothing" because I was a man now. It's a fact that 85% of the youths in prisons are from fatherless homes. 90% of all the runways are from fatherless homes. I can go on and on with the statistics on high school dropouts and so fourth all because men in this country are not doing whats right by their own children.
It doesn't just mean physically being in the home is enough. Fathers need to step up and actually parent. Stats show that simply having a father does kids no good if that father shows them little to no attention at all and does not physically insert themselves in their child's life. We all know divorce and other tragedies are a huge part of life these days, but we urge all fathers that are able to please be a part of your kids life as much as you can and do your part to prevent chaos.

Adapting to change

“Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.”  W. Clement Stone

I always believed that Southern California and Northern California should be cut in half and made to be 2 states, and the reason for that is because we are so different.  In So. Cal they are made to be glamorous and flashy and here in No. Cal we are a little more laid back and reserve.  I just recently spent several days in So. Cal partying and hanging with some of the most down to earth people you could meet.  Some of the people migrated from No. Cal and some was raised right there in the O.C(Orange County).  I found when hanging with them that they weren't too much different then me or my closes friends here in No. Cal. One of the biggest differences in between the 2 of us is our demeanor.  While down there I tried to explain to one of my younger cousins that it's important that he understands how to adapt to his environment while living out there.  I tried to explain to him that when you give people a chance to stereotype you, because when you do your putting a label on yourself.  Out there it is so easy for someone to look at you as the average black man when you carry yourself in such a manner.  Is it the lack of integrity that allows some people not to consider the how other people perceive you?  In some cases caring how we are perceived is very important especially in our environments.  I wanted him to understand the differences in adapting to So.Cal life as opposed to No. Cal life.  Its important that we understand that as black people a majority of the time we will need to earn respect from the opposite cultures and that's mostly because of our fellow African American people that behave the way they do. 

Although we are different in the way we behave and go about our daily lives California is California, if you can adjust and adapt to your environments its possible to be accepted in any part.  Lets try to influence more people to understand that you won't be accepted automatically anywhere if you carry yourself in a manner that is not suitable for you environment.  So after leaving and coming back home to the Bay Area I understand that it's not all about us being different but adapting to the things that we can't change to make our situations better.

Encouragement

What is the best thing a wife can do for her husband? Believe it or not the answer has nothing to do with sex, contrary to popular belief the greatest need for a man is not sex. The greatest gift a wife can give to her husband is encouragement. Men want to be encouraged in their homes. I can't put my finger on the reason why but for a lot of wives this is a difficult subject for them. Some wives believe that their husbands get encouraged at work and that's enough. But husbands really want to be encouraged at home. Im here to tell you one of the main reasons why guys go out and find joy away from home is the lack of encouragement they are feeling from their spouse. Leaving a note for your husband on the mirror while he is in the shower can really be the catalyst for him to have an outstanding day. When a man feels encouraged and loved that makes him feel like he can do anything, take on any challenge and be successful.
This also works both ways as husbands need to encourage their wives as well. Women receive encouragement from words of praise, receiving gifts, helping out around the house, and just being able to spend time with their husband. It should be a goal as a man to do something encouraging for their significant other each day. Author Jack Hayford wrote, “I can always tell when a woman is loved by her husband because she gets more beautiful as she ages.” Isn't that a great thought, that your wives beauty can be enhanced simply from having a loving husband.
These acts of encouragement do not need to be elaborate or over the top. Simple gestures to show your appreciation for each other go a long way to strengthen the marriage arrangement. Start off today with a loving gesture and continue that trend tomorrow and the next day and watch the love in your marriage grow.

A parents duty

In this day and age we look at today's youth and say to ourselves "Where are the parents?"  We do a lot of blogs about parenting because we feel that's where it starts. It's important to us that we reach parents, teachers, and any mentors that are in the process of raising or helping to raise kids.  People in general have there own distinct personalities so it's important as parents we understand that shaping the minds of young people in a positive way could possibly change the dive of our society.  In Milwaukee, Wisconsin a woman reportedly called the police on her 2 children both 15 and 13 for being part of a robbery of a gas station.  One day she was watching Television and noticed the faces of her son in a video taping of the entire robbery.  After I heard about this the only thing I could ask myself was " Would I do the same thing?"  I couldn't really be sure what I would do if I was in that situation, but the one thing I can say is I commend that woman.  How difficult do you really think that had to be on a mother to turn them in to the authorities?  Do you think that her kids will hold that against her or simply accept that their mother was trying her best to show them that crime is not the way.  As a good parent we all want to hope that our children grow up to be great citizens and perfect human beings, but it won't happen that way unless we teach our children right from wrong at an early age.

There comes a time when we are raising our children that we must understand that the things that we do a teach now will effect them for the rest of their lives.  I find so many people that have children out of control and they say they don't want to discipline their child because they do not want their child to hate them or not like them.  Raising a child is not about how much they like you, it's about preparing a person for the world and making sure that they have all the tools they need to have a better chance of making it on their own.  We owe it to our children to give them a proper head start on life, especially since we all know it isn't easy and the things your children will encounter can and will be difficult decisions.  As long as we do the best we can at keeping them on the straight and narrow they will eventually grow to respect the way they were raised.  Take time to talk to your children and let them know what you expect of them, and feed their brains with positive reinforcement and our the next coming generations may stand a chance.

Keeping The Fire Lit

As I was thinking of ideas for this post I began to ask some people that are in relationships what they think is the key to keeping the fire lit in their relationship. Just about each person I spoke with mentioned spontaneity. A little spontaneity can go a long way in making a once-dull relationship exciting and fresh again. We should not feel so confined to a routine and do some things different as a couple, weather it be taking a last minute hike together, or heading out to a night time hot spot for an evening of dancing and relaxation. The important thing to remember is to be flexible and open to trying something new.

One of the important parts of a healthy relationship is grooming. It seems rather silly to me to have to point out what should be very obvious, but you would be surprised how many people have mentioned basic grooming habits being a problem in their relationship. Brush or comb your hair, brush your teeth, take a bath or shower every day, put on some makeup (if needed), and put on an outfit that shows you care about your appearance. Even though you have been together and see each other at your best it is always nice to be reminded of just how sexy and desirable your mate is. There isn't much that can diminish the romantic feelings like seeing your mate looking frumpy. Do not underestimate the power of physical touch as well. Holding hands, kissing and hugging each other increase the sexual desires throughout the day. Offer shoulder massages and foot massages as well to increase the physical touching.
Weather it be married couples, or those in a long term relationship it should be understood that happy and healthy relationships take a lot of work. One great piece of advice I found was to wake up with this question in your mind each day "What can I do today to show my husband/wife how much I love him/her? Its just something to keep in mind just to show the people we love just how much we love them. The effort involved with deepening the connection between the couple can be enjoyed by both husband and wife (or significant other), thus developing a close intimate bond unlike any other kind of relationship

Celebrate Responsibly

There are a lot of us that will be out this weekend celebrating our nations independence. It's a three day weekend which is as good an excuse as any to party. While we are all having a good time I urge all of us to be responsible. I am not so naive to believe that people do not drink and drive these days or that by reading this you will instantly change your behavior and decide not to drink and drive. But we do hope that we can give courage to those that might find themselves in a difficult situation.
This weekend especially there will be extra police officers patrolling, checkpoints setup, and other traps to catch individuals who decide to drink and drive. I advise people to have a plan. If you are headed to party or a club, or just a Bar B Que at a friends house where you plan to drink, arrange to have a designated driver. Give your keys to that person, and do not let that person drink. Look out for your friends as well. If one of them has been drinking too much make sure they have a way to get home. Women, if you have a friend who has been drinking too much do not let them go home with a stranger. Too often that is how sexual assaults or other crimes occur.
This post is not to suggest people should not drink or should not drive this coming weekend. But to combine the two is foolish, irresponsible and dangerous. Mothers Against Drunk Driving ranks California as the 22nd worse state for driving under the influence. According to MADD 31% of the total traffic deaths in California are DUI-related. Costing the state a whopping $5.98 billion dollars. With so many people celebrating this weekend I encourage us all to drink alcohol responsibly and do not drink and drive. There's nothing wrong with celebrating, but it becomes a problem when someone - whose senses are impaired by alcohol - drives a vehicle that is capable of killing a human being.