Your Child's First Teacher

Children learn a lot from going to school and getting a formal education. But they are also educated by identifying with and imitating their parents. Dr. Benjamin Spock a renowned expert on children and family development called this "incidental learning". Dr. Spock thought that children develop the basic survival tools they need long before they enter the world of formal schooling. I would agree totally with this assumption. As studies show kids do the most learning between the ages of zero and five that's when they are able to absorb an awful lot of information and be able to retain it. Incidental learning takes place throughout a child's life, but a child's first teachers are his parents, and they are his most profound inspiration. Children will attempt to imitate everything that their parents do. The way you talk, walk, and even dress is all being studied closely by your children. Incidental learning at home also influences how a child will perform in school. The best way to instill a love of books in children is to read to them and for them to see their parents enjoying books. Father's, we need to make sure we are a model for what we want our daughter's to look for in a man. A daughter's father shapes the way she views men and the way she feels men should treat her. Make sure we are showing the proper respect for their mother as well as other women we come in contact with so that our daughter's know they deserve and will demand respect from any man they choose to date.
Make sure to treat others as you would like to be treated. Each time you loose your temper or over react to a situation you have a very impressionable child soaking up those behaviors from you. Be the example that you want your child to be through your own positive thoughts and feelings. 
If you want your child's incidental learning to be as beneficial as possible, you should demonstrate whenever possible the type of qualities that you want your child to imitate. Being courteous, loving, adventurous, kind, and an all around good person will inspire our kids to want to do those same things and exhibit these excellent qualities.

Lifes Decisions

One of the things that I told myself that I would always do is not regret any of the decisions that I make.  So that means that every thing that I do I have to learn from so that I can grow as a person.  There are so many people that make rash decisions and regret them later.  It's OK to regret bad decisions in the past, but it's how you grow from that which determines how you learned that lesson.  I was having a conversation with some people about how a lot of women tend to look for men that will take care of them and provide finer things in their lives.  So without any hesitation those women form relationships with those men and then in time have children with those men.  Blinded by monetary and shiny happiness they tend to overlook the fact that this man is not suited to be a father.  By the time they look around this man has left her high and dry taking care of a kid that she wasn't prepared to have.  On the woman side of this situation it's important that women understand who they lay with, you have to know that in the chance that the 2 of you have children will this man be here for his family.  Men have to think that way as well, ask yourself do you think this woman will make an adequate mother and teach your daughter how to be a outstanding woman.  As adults we need to do a better job of understanding what our consequences could be for the things that we do and take responsibility for them.  There are so many young children in the world that has no guidance due to the way their parents handle themselves before they got here.  If the parents have no clue how to respect themselves they will stand no chance in teaching their children to do the same.  We have to make sure that we are teaching our children how to go about conducting themselves in a manner that is acceptable to both their peers and the people that they one day will influence.  So it's always necessary for us as people realize that their is always consequences and things to be learned in life, it's how we go about shaping those decisions that helps become the best people.

Thanks for your support

We have been doing this blog for almost 9 months now and the feedback we have been receiving is awesome.  We appreciate everyone that has ever took the time to read our blog and leave comments.  We started off writing this blog to help inspire people to be better in their daily lives.  We wanted to help promote better fathers since that's what we strive to be.  Growing up without our fathers in our lives helped us understand the importance of being their for our children and teaching them to grow to be great human beings.  It's always been important for us to make an impact on peoples lives no matter how we could.  We understand that our blog is not geared towards everyone, but as long as we can have one person read our blog and say to themselves "That made a lot of sense" and apply it to their daily lives we feel like we accomplished something.  Our goal was to break the stereotype of the average black man and help other black men understand the importance of doing that as well.  To be a great person you have to be able to understand where you came from and where you are going, if you do not know those things you will fail at growing.  Promoting growth is one of the things we try to focus on the most, since growth is a part of everyone's lives no matter the age, color, or gender.  We went from blogging everyday to just a couple days a week in order to put out the best possible blogs we could.  Simply because we felt our blogs should be quality over quantity, so we apologize to the people who looked forward to reading everyday. As a result of your support we have continued to put out the best and most thought provoking content that we come across. We have not added any ads on our blog in an attempt to make sure our message does not get cluttered with any outside influences. We want the focus to strictly be on the quality of the information and nothing else.  We never want to come off as experts in the advice that we give, however a lot of the topics that we touch are always based off experience.  So this blog was just a way of saying Thank You to our faithful readers and that helping others motivates us to want to keep it up.  So if you keep reading we will keep putting out great advice and sound topics.

Believe in Yourself

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt

"Whether you think you can or think you can't, you are right" - Henry Ford

There may be days where you get up in the morning and things aren't the way you hoped they would be...there will be challenges to face and changes to make in life. That's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better. People will disappoint you, they may let you down in one way or another, but those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgments and to keep your life focused on believing in yourself and all that you are capable of.
We must remember that the only opinion that really matters to us is our own opinion. Put aside the opinions of others, do not allow anyone else's opinion to negatively affect your view of yourself. Speak up for yourself at work, at school. or at home. This will build confidence in your own voice and opinion. Do not be afraid to try new things. Sometimes a small accomplishment can go a long way to help build a strong sense of self worth, and can help you believe in yourself  the next time you are faced with a challenge or goal. Take on challenges with a positive attitude. Believe that you will be able to meet this challenge and make it through. Whatever goal you set for yourself believe that you will accomplish this goal and work hard towards the finish.  After accomplishing goals and meeting challenges you begin to feel really good about yourself. Your confidence rises and your belief in yourself grows.  Believing that you can do anything is what makes us as people so unique.  It seems a lot of the time we find ways not to believe in ourselves and what we are capable of becoming so we tend to not go for our goals.  We have to always remember even if you do not believe in yourself there is somebody that does.
We are all human and there will be times when we aren't able to accomplish a goal or meet a challenge. These are times where we must have that extra resolve to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and do better the next time. Whatever happens in life you must continue to believe in your abilities and strengths, stay positive, and things will more often than not turn out in your favor.

Successful Families

The right priorities are one of the most important aspects of successful families. It is very important for each parent to put family needs ahead of their own selfish needs, ahead of work, friends and possessions. Both parents need to be willing to sacrifice their time and effort for the interest of the family. These things are highly important in building a successful family life. Taking the time to go over your child's homework, attending their games or recitals are all vital in showing that you care and are committed to making your family successful.
The one institution in life that will always work if you put in the effort is the family. No matter what happens if you are fully committed and have shown love to your family it will be successful it's just that simple. Sometimes families break up even when both parents have done all they can to make it work. That does not mean the family will not be successful. Continue to show that love and respect for your spouse and you can still have a very successful family life. Lee Iacocca one of the most successful business people in the world, admits "The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works, is the family." This coming from a guy that spent 2 million dollars on gold-plated faucets. So he was no doubt "successful" at business but he failed at family and when it is all said and done your family success is what outlasts any of your secular success.
Being successful at family is different for all of us. Our ideas of a successful family differ, but we all want our children to succeed. The most important part is to do your best. Put the needs of your family first, love them unconditionally, and respect your spouse. These are the basis of each successful family.

Building Your Reputation

Building a good reputation takes time. It is not something that is achieved overnight. It's the product of  persistent action over time. In order to achieve a good reputation you have to do things that affect people in a good way. Helping an elderly person carry groceries into their home, caring for a sick friend or family member, it doesn't have to be grand gestures, just a continuous string of good deeds will go a long way to building a good reputation. We all know people that have good reputations. Those guys that when you talk about them you always throw in the fact that this guy is a good person. He is the guy that you invite to parties, and to hang out and watch football on Sundays. He is also the guy you will go out of your way to help if he needs your help because you know he will be there for you. All this is possible because that guy has a built a good reputation. That's it, simply having a good reputation makes life so much easier.
One thing to understand about your rep is that it does stick with you. As you start out in life and go about building your reputation, people will label you with a good or bad rep. People with good reputations will have better business dealings, and personal dealings as well.. Not only does your rep affect your personal life but it can also affect your job. Employers are checking the background of individuals before hiring them. They will not hesitate to check your references and ask what type of person you are, and we wouldn't want our friends to have to lie to make us look better than we are. It doesn't matter what type of business you are in, whenever you are dealing with someone you always want to feel comfortable with that person, and if they have a well known reputation as a "shyster" then it is very likely that you would not feel comfortable doing business with this individual.
Your reputation is something that we all should take a lot of pride in. We should guard our rep with our life, because chances are your rep will stick with you for life. Its important for young adults and even children to know that building a good rep starts at a young age. Starting early and continuing throughout adulthood is how you build a stellar reputation.

Make Everyday a Friday!

"Faith is always in the present. Your attitude should be: Im excited to be alive at this moment. Im excited to be breathing today. Im excited about my family, my health, and my opportunities. I have plenty of reasons to be happy right now."
-Joel Osteen

Happiness is defined as inner peace and contentment. It is experienced when there are no worries, fears or obsessing thoughts. When we do something we love to do, or be around people we love to be with, when we win, or achieve a goal we become happy. Although it seems to be the result of positive events, truth is, happiness comes from the person itself, only triggered by positive events. The way we choose to look at things can have a positive or negative impact on our happiness. Always look at the bright side of things and never be too pessimistic. If you break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend look at the positives that this breakup can bring, such as having more time to dedicate to friends or going to gym, or simply relaxing and getting to know yourself better, use this time for self discovery.  Make sure you do not wallow in self pity, your mind can easily fall into the trap of feeling sorry for yourself and that gets you nowhere. We all have setbacks and circumstances may change but do not let that change your mind. Keep your mind set on happiness. It is your choice to be happy. Make up your mind to enjoy this day, to have a blessed and prosperous day.
It's always important that we stay positive, the more positive you are the better the outcome of your day.  So often we approach our work weeks focused on making it to Friday.  Why is it that we look so forward to reaching Friday?  Is it just the appreciation of having an off day?  We should never only enjoy a day by knowing that we have a day off the next day.  We have to treat everyday as if the next day is our day off, lets make sure that we can appreciate everyday to the fullest.  They say time flies when your having fun, so that's why so many people come back to work Monday feeling like they didn't enjoy their weekends.  If we take the time to enjoy everyday like it's a Friday maybe our time wouldn't feel so wasted.  So many people finds reasons to be unhappy, when if they looked at it they could find so many reasons to be joyful.  I've been guilty of this as well, I have a habit of going into my birthday month with the idea that nothing will ruin those days at all.  After getting through that month and realizing that I went through everyday that month with a smile on my face brushing off any negative vibes I may have gotten,  I realized that if I can do it for 31 days out of a year, why couldn't I do it everyday.  Then I thought to myself that it is all mental.  Try to tell yourself everyday will be a great day and 9 out of 10 times it will be.  Positivity is all in our minds, and if you want to treat everyday like a Friday then you could do that with a smile on your face.

Think Before Speaking

In the bible it says that all men should be swift about hearing and slow about speaking. That is so true especially in these days. It is much more beneficial in relationships and in business to be slow to speak and swift not only to hear but to listen. How many of us stop and think before we speak? It is fair to say that most of us decide what point we want to get across and then we proceed to speaking. The thing to realize is that, the most important part of communication is the reaction you get from the person listening. If you tell somebody something very important but you don't say it in a way that the person can understand then you really haven't communicated successfully with that person. You want to make sure that you are communicating in the right tone and with the right words so that your information is received and heard. I recently watched a documentary about Welles Crowther a man who helped save the lives of close to twenty people during the 9/11 tragedy in 2001. One of the survivors who was helped explained that after the plane hit the South Tower she was laying on her back, severely burned thinking she was going to die and then she heard a voice that said "I found the stairs, follow me, only help the ones you can help." She said it was the way he said it, not what he said, but the way he said it that made her gather up the courage to get up and follow him to the stairs. Even in the face of such tragedy Welles was able to remain calm and speak in a matter that helped save lives. We should all take the time to think before we speak. Realizing what point we are trying to make while still focusing on the audience that is receiving the information. Make sure we are saying something that is encouraging and not intended to be hurtful.
This is important lesson to pass on to our youth. In this day and age with social media, 24 hour news, and instant access things you say or tweet or put on Facebook are displayed for the world to see. Words can be taken the wrong way and really offend someone without that being your intention at all. Make sure we stress to our children the need to think before we hit the send button.

Raising Kids in the 21st Century

As parents and soon to be parents we have to make decisions on how to raise our children and how to set them up to be successful in the future.  This past weekend I was speaking to a good friend of mines about baby names since he is soon going to be a father.  He told me about how he wants to name his son something uncommon yet he doesn't won't his sons name to come across as too ethnic.  He was concerned that when his son gets old enough that people would automatically categorize him as something he may not be just because of his name.  Will my son be able to get a job interview because of his name?  Will employers automatically disregard his applications because they know he is a minority because of his name?  It's a shame that still in this day and age as soon to be parents these are things we have to worry about.  Is our society still that shallow that they would discriminate on someone just because of their name?  There are situations such as these that makes it so difficult to become a parent.  It should be no problem for this man to name his son whatever he likes without having to worry about the backlash of what could happen  in the child's future.

There are also situations that we have to deal with as parents that are raising kids.  In this day and age we cannot give our kids the same life lessons that we learned as children because some of them do not apply and others simply could cause more problems than anything.  I asked myself the question of , How do I go about teaching my son to defend himself?  Back when we were growing up it was always if someone hits you, you hit them back.  You get in a fight one person wins and it's over with.  However these days it doesn't work that way.  These days even young teens are carrying guns to school with intent to use it on the first person that steps on their toes.  By teaching my son to fight back I risk the chance of him fighting someone who doesn't want to lose or be embarrassed so his next result would be to shoot someone.  This is the age we live in, so as fathers and parents what do we teach our children to do in these cases?  It comes down to teaching our children to deal with situations without losing their tempers.  We have to teach our children to be able to talk their problems out and be aware of the situations that they could be put in.  Nothing is worth losing your child over, so teach them how to work out situations instead of making bad ones arise.  As parents it's important that we understand that parenting isn't just about taking care of your child, it's about teaching them valuable life lessons that they can carry with them for the rest of their lives.  It's about making sure that they can take care of themselves in just about any situation.  Bottom line is when thinking about having kids and raising them think a little more about how their lives could turn out, not just about what they will do to your lives.    

Professionalism

If you want to be successful, you have to get used to being a professional. How you look, talk, write, act and work determines whether you are a professional or an amateur. Society does not emphasize the importance of professionalism, so people tend to believe that amateur work is normal. 
Schools graduate students who cannot read. You can miss 15% of the driving-test answers and still get a driver license. "Just getting by" is an attitude many people accept. But it is the attitude of amateurs? Professional people make sure to be on time for meetings, showing that they value other people's time. If you are going to be late make sure to contact the person you are meeting with to let them know you will be running late. Being a professional is a state of mind, you have to look beyond your immediate needs and think about the long term perception of yourself and your business. I was just speaking to a young black guy who had three job offers this past week, and in this job market that was outstanding. I asked him how he was able to achieve that feat and he said that there are jobs to be had, guys just aren't applying themselves. That was very interesting to hear and absolutely on the money. It takes more than just being qualified for a position, you have to also apply yourself. We need to do our homework on a company before showing up for the interview so that we know something about the company upon arrival for the interview. We also need to include a cover letter with your resume, make sure there aren't any typos, and the information is up to date. These are all aspects of being a professional. Not only do you do what is expected of you, but also going above and beyond those expectations. 
Being a professional is really about having and applying common sense. In these times common sense is becoming a rare commodity. Being able to actually use the common sense that you were taught goes a long way to help in our professionalism. Make sure to give others credit when they deserve credit, be quick to compliment others on a job well done. Show positive body language, and smile whenever possible. This is something that is not easy to accomplish but it's very much worth striving for.  Continue to show that positive and professional attitude and your business prospects will continue to grow.